We fade back up on morning at the campsite, with Dana and Todd giving Nate and Lisa some last-minute instructions on caring for their daughter before heading off alone on a "private nature hike." And just in case the meaning wasn't clear in transcription, by "private nature hike" they actually mean "sweaty, naked nature sex that will likely leave them both with poison ivy in some seriously unpleasant locations." "I hate couples like that," bitches Lisa, "always letting you know how great their sex life is." Nate is barely listening, but he does agree, and even suggests that Todd and Dana might be protesting just a bit too much. "Like sex is everything!" continues Lisa. "She's always talking about it like it's the glue. But what happens when someone gets throat cancer or diarrhea and you have to see the real person? Then you have to be able to…whatever. Help them into their electric cart or make them their vitamin drink and still love them even though no one feels sexy." And yeah, she's got a point, but still. Only someone who can't have an orgasm would ever say that. "Todd and I have the greatest sex in the world," she adds, mimicking Dana. "I just love it when he comes on my tits." Well that certainly got Nate's attention. "She said that?" he asks, with a perfect mixture of disbelief and jealousy. Lisa just nods in response, with a perfect mixture of disgust and hope that Nate will never ask her if he can do the same thing.
Over at LAC Arts, Olivier is getting a massage from a strange woman in his classroom. Ahh, yes. Season Three of Six Feet Under. It's all about malls and massages this year. And also ejaculating in strange places. Claire and Russell wander in late together, and Olivier seems to instantly sense that the student has surpassed his teacher in the race for Claire's affections. Or maybe it was the fact that Russell's hair is now blue as well that tipped him off. He gets into a shouting match with the two of them, but it is Olivier after all, and therefore I wasn't really paying attention. I did hear the part where he calls himself an idiot, though, and I think there was also some more stuff in there about elephants and termites or whatever. There were also four "fucks," two "shits," and an "asshole." You know, in case you were keeping track.
Back at The Fortress, Ruth is doing laundry. She's not washing the linens, so it must not be Sunday night. That point is further proven when Claire comes home from class and Ruth announces that she washed her daughter's sheets for her. Ew. Am I the only one who thinks that's kind of creepy? I mean, it's obvious that Mom knows exactly what was going on between those sheets the previous night. Anyway, Ruth comes across one of Arthur's handkerchiefs in the dryer, and this motivates Claire to launch into a long rant about just how disgusting hankies really are. "First of all, the word is gross. 'Hanky.' Second of all, hankies themselves are gross. A snot-covered rag that sits in your pocket all day? And who knows where the snot is? It could be anywhere. And then you put it back in your pocket and save it for later? I mean, not all progress is bad, mom. There's Kleenex! Hello!" Ruth, however, lurves her hanky-hoarding, mouse-hating houseguest, so she brushes off Claire's well-founded criticism and heads upstairs to lovingly place the handkerchief in Arthur's unmentionables drawer. It's probably not much of a surprise to anyone that the boy wears tighty-whities, but I am a little disturbed by the obsessive-compulsive perfection on display in his neatly sorted rows of perfectly balled tube socks. On the other hand, I did get a bit of a giggle out of picturing him and Tobias Beecher lovingly exchanging gifts at the next Em City Sadie Hawkins dance. Now that's a crossover match made in heaven. Before closing the drawer for good, however, Ruth pulls the hanky back out of its resting place and sniffs it a few times. I have no idea what that means. I also have no idea what she whispers while she's doing it, because it's not audible and the closed-captioning has nothing. Yeah. That was a little weird.