Down in the slumber room, Claire is giggling on the phone with Russell when David comes in to start cleaning up after the Smalls funeral. It's one of those atrociously cute conversations that only new couples can have, and the only thing that saves me from puking is the fact that they don't get into an argument over who's going hang up first. They do, however, throw a nice bone to continuity when Claire corrects herself to say that Russell is "hot" rather than "cute." Eventually she hangs up the phone, and David is shocked to learn that she's been dating a boy whom he'd assumed was gay. "What makes you think he's gay?" demands Claire. "Oh, we can smell it on each other," replies David, before reminding his sister that she used to refer to him as her "gay friend Russell." Hee! Claire tells him that she was merely "confused" about that, and tries valiantly to convince both David and herself that Russell is a 100-percent red-blooded, vagina-loving heterosexual. This prompts David to enter "helpful big brother" mode, as he sits down and gently tries to explain that he used to date girls too, before finally coming to terms with his sexuality. "You don't get it," insists Claire. "He's never been gay. I was just assuming. He's never even had sex with anyone before me." David doesn't believe a word of it, but he's smart enough to know when to butt out, and that's precisely what he does.
Later that night, however, he does asks Keith, "At what age did you completely stop sleeping with women?" as they climb into bed for the night. David reports that there was a period of about ten years when he wasn't sure of himself, and that he actually had several serious relationships with women during time, including the former fiancée we met in the first season. Keith, on the other hand, happily admits that he "loved fucking women," which is a revelation that no doubt left a significant portion of the show's female viewers with their panties in a bunch. "I did this whole emotional deal with girls," says David. "Like, 'Honey, I could really think about spending the rest of my life with you. I don't know, maybe buy some land in Northern California? Build a house and design it ourselves? What about Willem for a boy and Coco for a girl? Or Willem and Max if we have twin boys?'" Oh, come on! "Willem and Max," but still no Creepy Jesus shout-out? What did Jeremy Sisto do to piss off Jill Soloway? "Are you sure they didn't know you were gay?" asks Keith. Hee! David says that they never figured it out, which I find hard to believe, and then he casually clicks on the remote and we're treated to the sounds of still more gay porn. Heh. I then clicked over to Google to find a good joke to end this paragraph with, but trust me when I tell you that you don't even want to know the kind of stuff that came up when I typed in "Jesus and gay porn." Some things are just better left unsaid.