Suddenly the music on the soundtrack slows down a bit, and Nate has a vision of Ruth and Lisa squirming and writhing on the sofa like they're auditioning for a role in the next sequel to Jet Set Sorority Gangbang. He shakes it off, and then announces that he's going out to check on the baby. This prompts some more foot-related conversation between David and his very drunk mother, and then Ruth thanks Lisa for the foot massage, which she describes as "the nicest thing anyone has done for [her] in a very long time." Lisa insists that it's nothing more than a "thank you" for letting them live in the Fortress for a while. "Well, of course," replies Ruth. "You're family." David and Keith share an incredulous little glance at that line, and it seems as if they both feel a little left out by the acceptance that Lisa has won. Personally, however, I think Ruth would be just as delighted to have those two living over the garage as she is with Nate and Lisa. But that's just me.
While everyone else is busy indulging their inner foot fetish, Nate sneaks out back to smoke a secret cigarette. Flick…ahh. Welcome, Nate. You're one of us now. One of us…one of us…one of us.
Inside, however, the party has moved on to the slumber room, where the whole crew is astonished by the opera set that's been built in there. "You'd better be prepared to build me something like this when I go," says Keith. "You mean something involving Steve McQueen on a motorcycle?" asks David. "Yeah. And an entire P.O.W. barracks," adds Keith. Heh. And if you need any help with that, David, you can give me a call. I've got just the URL for you. Keith tries to pull David in for a kiss, but David pushes him away. And I gotta say, I'm with David on this one. Gay or straight, PDA in front of the parents is never a good idea. And that wasn't just a kiss, either. Keith grabbed the boy right on the ass, for goodness sake. Nate finally makes it back inside, and he's so totally busted for smoking when Lisa realizes that he's changed his shirt and smells like Listerine. Of course, she's so drunk (and also probably crazy) that there's no way she'll even remember this in the morning, so maybe he's off the hook. Ruth and Kathy, meanwhile, are so drunk themselves that they're actually rolling around on the slumber room floor. Now there's something I never thought I'd see.
Russell, meanwhile, has brought Claire to those giant metal spire thingies that are located somewhere in Los Angeles. Hey, aren't those supposed to be in a really bad neighborhood or something? Or maybe I just think that because the only time I can remember seeing them before was in Ricochet. Russell pontificates on the "real" artistry of the guy who built the towers, and then decides that all true artists must be crazy. "Look at Olivier and [Shrug]," he says. "And Van Gogh cut off an ear." Claire, on the other hand, is using this time to ponder the meaning of success. "Is it just money, or fame?" she wonders. "Or is it, like, the critics loving you, or is it you knowing that you've done good work?" Russell gazes deep into her eyes through all this, desperately trying to work up the nerve to kiss her. "Maybe you just haven't found whatever it is that's worth…cutting off an ear for," he suggests. Oh, all right. Now, see, I know some of you think he's really, really creepy, but here's the thing: I've been Russell. Hell, I AM Russell. Stared daggers across the room as the secret love of my life canoodled with an obviously inferior male specimen? Been there. Exhibited behavior that a fair-minded person might reasonably deem to be stalkerific? Done that (Marry me, Lauren! I'm begging you!). Now does that make me creepy? Well, yeah. It probably does. But I still can't help but believe that Russell is fundamentally a nice guy who doesn't have the balls to make the first move, and probably goes home alone at night knowing exactly how creepy he comes off sometimes. I like him. I do. Which means, of course, that he'll ultimately turn out to be a sociopathic serial killer with a necklace made out of ears that rivals the one Dolph Lundgren wore in Universal Soldier. And if you've seen both Ricochet and Universal Soldier, by the way, then it probably means you're a somewhat creepy guy who needs to get out more often. I'll meet you there, okay? It's also worth noting, interestingly enough, that when Russell is at his creepiest, most ear-slicing self in this scene is also precisely when Claire looks the most like she wants to kiss him. And then they do kiss! Okay, no. Not really. But they should.
It seems The Ironic Segue Fairy has been hitting iMesh lately, because he's dug up an obscure cover of the Talking Heads "Burning Down The House," just to provide us with an Ironic Audio Segue here as Russell is told to watch out, because he might get what he's after. Everyone, Ruth included, is dancing and laughing in the dining room, and even baby Maya gets in on the action when Ruth twirls her around and holds up her giant head to block out the light, just like Daddy used to do. Aww. The only person not having a great night, in fact, is Nate, who is zonked out on one of the couches downstairs. This is obviously The Late Nate's cue to make an entrance, and he does so with flair. He's also wearing Nate's normal jogging clothes, and Nate is dressed in his Dad's everyday black suit. Thankfully, everyone's feet remain fully covered throughout. And with the way Nate's hair looks here, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I shouldn't have gone with a Beatles theme for the homepage. If that top was any more mop, it'd have a Swiffer attached. Nate tries to insist that he's nothing like his father, despite all evidence to the contrary. "You're a funeral director," points out The Late Nate, "which you never wanted to be. You married a woman that you knocked up because you thought it was the right thing to do." "You want one?" he adds, brandishing a pack of cigarettes. Nate declines the offer, prompting dear old Dad to ask, "So when you wake up, are you going to throw away that pack you already have?" Nate: "Probably." Heh. One of us…one of us…one of us. "I'm not you!" shouts Nate, trying to convince himself more than anyone else. "I'm not shut down! I'm not five hundred fucking million miles away! I haven't given up! I love my family!" "Hey, buddy boy," replies Dad, as he teleports over to the sofa, "do you really think I would have stuck around if I didn't love mine?" Fade to white.