We fade back up on Claire and Russell, lounging around on Claire's bed and checking out some of Olivier's paintings in an art book. Russell loves the fact that she lives in a funeral home, and thinks it's perfect "for when they write [her] biography." He also wants her to know that he's not gay, so he finally decides to take the direct route and just loudly announces, "I'm not gay." "Who said anything about you being gay?" asks Claire. "You thought I was," replies Russell. "Most people think I am, but I'm not." Well, I for one never thought you were gay, Russell. I think you really need to wash your hair, but I never thought you were gay. He does, however, look disturbingly like Buffalo Bill in this scene for some reason. Maybe there is something to that whole serial killer idea after all. Much awkwardness ensues as Claire internalizes his straightness (no, not like that), and also confesses that she actually thinks he's "hot." Now that I don't see. Not gay? Sure. Hot? Not so much. But they do make lots and lots of deep, soulful eye contact here, and then they kiss! Except no, they really don't. Come on, Russell! Make a move! You had her at Van Gogh, for Christ's sake, and now you're dying here!
And now for the funeral. The DGDJ's of course, not Russell's. And yeah, that set is definitely impressive. It's got, like, a huge Chinese archway thing, and there's a transparent screen that shows the coffin behind it on a giant altar of rose petals. ACC steps forward to deliver the eulogy, and he opens things up by stealing a sex joke straight out of Tommy Boy. "We're all so lucky to have had the joy and experience of knowing him," he says. "And I'm not just referring to the joy of knowing him biblically, although a lot of you here experienced that as well. I know, because I was there." But then he turns serious, and describes the joy and pain of enduring through a twenty-two-year relationship. "We shared our hearts, our bodies, and our souls. It wasn't always easy, and it wasn't always fun. But it was always worth it. I don't know what I did in a previous life, but to quote Julie Andrews as Maria Von Trapp, it must have been something good." Aww. Even Rico was moved by that, and has somehow managed to stop himself from singing out, "The hills are alive with the sound of cock-piercing!" from the back of the room. ACC finally returns to his seat in tears, and as the house lights dim, another gentleman stands up to sing "Nessun dorma." The music swells, and David looks especially heartbroken by it all, and then we fade to white.