Six Feet Under
Out, Out, Brief Candle

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | Grade It Now!
Dead Man Running

Fade up on the Formaldehyde Fortress again, as the boys show off their new casket wall to Ruth. "God, I can't wait until our next funeral," gushes David, but Mom just thinks the whole unit is too "modern." When she finds out that they spent $20,000 on this thing, she demands a full accounting of all the money they've spent. David interrupts to reassure her, but Ruth, as is her wont, blurts out, "I am speaking fiercely from the 'I'!" before storming off. The Alan Cumming Wannabe Salesman arrives to let them know that everything is fully installed, and then he drops a bombshell of his own. It turns out that Applebee Caskets is owned by Kroehner, and Mitzi Dalton-Huntley has comped their casket wall. David, as is his wont, is unable to derive any happiness from having just saved $20,000, and is instead worried that they're now selling Kroehner caskets, and they still can't lend Rico any money because they need a contingency fund. Nate, as is his wont, just looks put-upon as he shows off his denim-clad butt to the camera.

Downstairs, Vanessa is pressuring Rico about the house. It turns out that even though the Fishers said no to the loan, she went ahead and wrote a check to the mortgage company anyway. When Rico asks where she got the money, all Vanessa has to say is "don't be mad" before he realizes that it came from her sister the actress. Rico gets all huffy, screaming that he works all day to provide for his family, and he doesn't need to be taking hand-outs from her sister. Except that with all the time off he asks for, he probably hasn't worked a full day in months, and on top of that, he DOES need to be asking for hand-outs. I'm not sure how borrowing from her sister is worse than borrowing from his boss, but whatever. We've already covered the "shut up, Rico" portion of the recap, and since I'm skirting my deadline as usual here, I'll just move on. Vanessa tells him she doesn't want to put up with any "machismo" bullshit, but Rico picks up the phone to cancel the check. Vanessa runs down all the different times her sister has lent them money to help out, which doesn't seem like it would be a very persuasive argument in this case, but Rico finally does hang up and consent to the loan.

School. Claire accosts Gabe on the Quad, and asks if he knows what Peanut Testicle was smoking when he freaked out. "It wouldn't happen to be embalming fluid that you stole from my house, right?" she demands. Gabe tries to explain himself, saying that he saw the stuff in the Body Shop, and he just wasn't thinking. "Oh, you were thinking," Claire says. "You were thinking about YOURSELF." In yet another example of his supreme stupidity, Gabe tries to make the situation better by confessing to the convenience store robbery and saying that the cops are closing in on him. "Who the fuck are you?" asks an astonished Claire. Gabe responds by dropping to his knees, beating his fists against his head, and repeating "everything I touch turns to shit" over and over again. He's making a total fool of himself in front of the whole school, but Claire doesn't care. With a look of melancholy resignation, she slowly backs away. "Everybody was right about you," she says, before breaking things off and running away. Man, Gabe is a tool. At least she's finally starting to realize it, though. And, also? Whatever Lauren may think of me, at least she can count on never having to see ME acting like that. For God's sake, I can't even work up the courage to call her agent for an interview, much less prostrate myself in front of her friends.

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Six Feet Under




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