Six Feet Under
Parallel Play

Episode Report Card
Djb: B- | 1 USERS: B+
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Poo II: While Poo Were Sleeping

Nate "Care Bear" Fisher carries Maya into a daycare center looking like he hasn't gotten laid in a while. Oh, look! It's two women, defiling the good name of the Fisher-Price Fun Slide they lean on as they ogle the entering Nate and remind us of the popular misconceptions people hold about poor Nate before they, like us, really get a chance to know him. Like, for instance, the one about how good-looking and likable he is. Frolicking children do frolicking children things as the two women -- let's call them "Sexy Single Mom" and "The DeVito To Sexy Single Mom's Schwarzenegger Who We'll Never See Again Anyway" -- stare across the room and then back at each other. "That's the poor guy whose wife drowned," Sexy Single Mom says, and her friend rebuts, "I know...he's hot, though." Pained brooding and a baby on your arm will often encourage that response in others, which is why I usually stick myself with pins and swing by the maternity ward on my way out to the clubs. Sexy Single Mom, tall and duck-like, waves to Nate, and the whole of the Ayn Rand School For Tots goes dim and silent as the two lock eyes for the first time. Nate carries Maya over to her and she introduces herself as Madeline, though her moniker as SSM will really do fine for me at this point, thanks, because why learn another whole character's name when they're all just going to be retired to the Lisa's-Cousin- Who-Might- Have-Been-Dead School For Surprisingly Non-Recurring Characters.

Oh, Russell. You look like the extra who didn't win the race in a crowd scene in that one year when every single actor in Hollywood made a movie about Prefontaine. Remember that year? You must. Because you look like Crudup's crud-up. Sorry. But you do. Anyway, Russell walks into a classroom at LAC Arts to find Claire and Anita thinking vaguely about lesbianism, which I would be too if a guy I dated were sporting a moustache that looked like that one. He asks them if they're going "to Jimmy's thing," because the world wants the collected early works of Dave Matthews to be stuck in my head all damned day and it seems like there's nothing I can do to stop it. Claire takes a sip of Evian because tap water toxins are totally racist and she just won't have it, telling Russell that she's "sick of Jimmy's things" and that they're not going. Claire also reminds Anita of the "thing" in Chinatown (racist!) she wants to go to, but Anita says they can go after, because they're always going to Jimmy's "things" and what-have-you. Boy, it sure is getting weirder that Claire and this Anita had never met before last week, seeing as they're members of the exact same party clique, y'know? Russell walks away with his dangerous facial hair to find a damsel in distress who "can't pay the rent." Claire, meanwhile, whispers to Anita, "God, that moustache is repulsive." Yes. "I can't believe I loved him." No. Claire's character wouldn't say "I can't believe I loved him." Anita didn't know that Claire and Russell had been a couple, seeing as Anita thought Russell was gay. They look over at a corner of the room and find Russell happily knitting, and Claire writes it off, noting that a lot of straight guys knit as a macho thing. Anita notes that they have to go to the party, seeing as Jimmy is "totally the Matthew Barney of LAC Arts." And if you didn't know what that means and you've never seen The Cremaster Cycle, well, then, you're the me of five minutes ago. But Anita plays the Suvari Card, noting, "Edie's gonna be there." Claire's interest perks up, and she asks, "Edie's going?" Anita tells her in no uncertain terms, "She's always at his things," and later we learn that she always makes a scene at his things that she always goes to, and we also learn right now that Claire is really tired of going to "Jimmy's things," which implies that she would have been there once or twice to note Edie making a spectacle of herself, which we discover in the not-too-distant future is something Edie always does. This does not add up. Continuity is so racist.

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Six Feet Under

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