Six Feet Under
Parallel Play

Episode Report Card
Djb: B- | Grade It Now!
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Poo II: While Poo Were Sleeping

Brenda "Crazy For Feeling So Lonely" Chenowith hosts Justin Ther-neaux in her apartment, in a naked way. She whispers "condom" in his ear and then grabs one out of the side table. He tries to put it on and I'm very uncomfortable recapping sex scenes because something happened in my youth and it made me grow up wrong. She offers help in putting it on, but he tells her he would rather not, telling her to lie on her back as he disappears from the frame and she bites her thumb, which we can infer means that Brenda really, really, really enjoys having her toes polished.

Federico "Hooker With His Card Of Gold" Diaz stands over Kaitlin Elise Stolte, who died laughing, much to the consternation of her posthumous handlers. "I can't get rid of this goofy smile," Rico complains to Arthur, saying that he needs to figure out a way to bring her lips down slightly. Arthur asks what technique he'll be employing, and Rico excitedly explains the vagaries of a "Full Mackew," an expression that exists in my closed captioning but, amazingly, nowhere on the internet, in some sort of final cosmic proof that the entirety of online civilization is much more obsessed with sex than it is with death. As Rico explains, he runs a needle along Kaitlin Elise Stolte's gum line, pulling a thread through her chin and making me think, um, "Ahhhhh!" David enters then and asks Arthur if he's ready to go, and Arthur tells Rico he'll be back "in approximately one and one-half hours." David corrects him that it might be a bit longer than that because they're going shopping (are you thinking what I'm thinking? Makeover!) and then out to lunch, and Rico is all, "Now, I may be a religious man, but that doesn't stop me from thinking that I'm the biggest living martyr in history" when he reminds them that he has work to do. David, no dummy himself, chooses not to connect the dots, responding, "Okay" and taking off, leaving Rico alone to mutter, "This woman won't stop smiling. I wish I knew what the fuck was so funny." Dude. You and the Gurvitzes both.

Nate carries Maya up the front steps of a house in Richtown Heights, California. He asks, "Hello?" and is soon to be met at the front by Sexy Single Mom, wearing her casual mid-thirties spunkwear, which Neiman Marcus actually sells, y'all. Sexy Single Mom walks through a minefield of house help, and I think there might be a coddled child nestled in there somewhere who is doomed to refer to at least two of those women accidentally as "Mom" and never see the inside of a public-school classroom. Sexy Single Mom asks Nate if Maya wants to go play, and Nate says that she doesn't really play with other kids yet. Sexy Single Mom laughs, "At this age, they play next to each other, not with each other. It's called parallel play," which I only quote in its entirety because it's the title of the episode and therefore very, very, very important. Which is why I'm surprised this episode wasn't more appropriately titled, Breakin' Poo II: Poo Can Count On Me.

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Six Feet Under

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