Six Feet Under

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | 2 USERS: A+
Death in the Family

We cut back to the Fisher home, where Mom ominously slices open a finger while chopping vegetables. David pipes up from the table that the "new hearse was a total waste of money." Presumably, the pun on "totaled" was intended. Mom, who is still washing the blood from her finger, feels that Dad must be going through a mid-life crisis of some sort. Foreshadowing and his twin brother Foreshadowing For The Other Character hand Mrs. Fisher a band-aid and start munching on her carrot sticks while she tells David that she'd "much rather [Dad] buy a fancy new hearse than leave [her] for a younger woman. Or heaven forbid, a man." David seems to sense that she's upset, and stands up to ask if he can help with anything. She smiles, and sends him off to work with a kiss.

Over at LAX, Peter "Yummy Rectangle Head" Krause (tm Daniel & the old Other TV Talk thread) is following Rachel Griffiths off an airplane. He works the charm pretty hard, giving her his cell phone number and claiming to have immensely enjoyed "talking to [her] about that Shiatsu thing." When he can't find his dad, Rachel offers to give him a ride. Peter: "I'm sure he'll be here soon enough." Rachel: "Not that kind of ride." Okay, that was like the cheesiest pick-up line ever. I mean, yeah, it's gonna work for her pretty much every time, but still. Also, a big non-cheesy shout-out to my friend Rachael, as it's her borrowed tape that now resides in my barely connected VCR.

Back at the funeral home, guests are arriving for a viewing. David stands watch over the body of an elderly woman dressed all in pink. Now, as some of you may know, I adhere to a strict policy of using only purely objective ranking formulae to assign letter grades to the episodes I recap. This is primarily accomplished by counting the number of seconds from the end of the opening credits to the appearance of the show's signature feature. In this case, our Start-to-Corpse was 251. Ordinarily, that would transfer into a pretty decent "A" grade (lower scores are better), but unfortunately my computer appears to be afflicted with Intel's famed floating point bug, so I'm not sure if it will be able to process the infinitesimally small fractions of time that will likely be required to make StC a reliable indicator of episode quality. An elderly HITG! standing beside David compliments him on the appearance of the body, and then offers, "If there's any justice in the world, she's shoveling shit in Hell." Oh, Alan, Alan, Alan...have you learned nothing from David E. Kelley? Old people swearing are never, ever as funny as you'd expect them to be. Oh -- also fat people are evil. Or maybe it was Uncle Bob who said that. Whatever. Anyway, David's cell phone rings, and Michael C. Hall disentangles himself by delivering the best line reading of "excuse me" ever.

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Six Feet Under




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