Vanessa's new nanny is dancing and singing "Brick House" (badly) to a video camera that's being manned by Julio. "Are you guys making a movie?" Vanessa asks as she comes in the front door in her work clothes. Donna says she's making an audition tape for Survivor. "I got the whole foreign thing going for me, being from Canada and all." Except don't you have to be a U.S. citizen to get on the show? Whatever. She'd have to do "Brick House" a lot better, too. Donna sends Julio scampering off to the kitchen, directs Vanessa to a chair, and has her put her feet up. Julio quickly returns with a snack and a glass of juice for his mom. Vanessa thanks them both. Donna says she sympathizes, since her own mom was a single mom with a total flake for a daughter. "It's not only twice as hard without a man, it's, like, exponentially harder," Donna comments. She asks if Rico was good to her. Vanessa says, "Yes, he was good to me. And then he was really bad to me." But he was always really short.
Over at David and Keith's, Anthony's crying because Durrell has already broken their new PlayStation by opening up the case. This is why people with kids should keep their screwdrivers locked up. And, ideally, Durrell. As Keith comes in, Durrell says, "It wouldn't let me get to level two so I had to fix it." Yeah, he fixed it good. There's nothing on the TV screen but static. Kid's lucky he didn't electrocute himself, cracking it open when it was plugged in like that. "What the hell did you do, Durrell?" Keith grits, and Durrell stands up and yells, "It broke! Okay? I broke it! Why did you have to buy us a present that you knew was gonna break?" There's just…so much wrong with that question, and life is so short. Keith yells at Durrell for opening the machine: "I'd have gotten it fixed had you only waited." "Why does everything always have to get ruined?" Anthony complains, and Keith looks sympathetic at that until Durrell kicks the remains of the console and gets up in Keith's face, saying, "Everything was already ruined from the time we had to move into this stupid gay house!" Ooh, that's torn it. Keith tells Durrell he's going to his room, and grabs the kid by the arm to drag him away. Anthony, acting out of loyalty to the brother who's probably the one always ruining everything, leaps at Keith, yelling, "Let go of him! I hate you!" Of course, this seething mass of angry humanity is what David comes home to. "What the hell is going on?" David demands as Keith throws the kids into their bedroom and holds the door shut. "You're locking them in a room?" David asks in horror. "More violence, that's what you want to show them here?" "Discipline and violence are not the same thing," Keith says. The kids are still pulling and beating on the door, yelling homophobic epithets at Keith. David says Keith is insane right now. "Let go of the door or I'll tell DCFS!" Durrell yells. And here's where Keith crosses the line, I think. He yells, "You think anybody over there gives a shit about you?" Way to play on what I'm sure are already some severe abandonment issues. Then he lets go of the doorknob. The kids go flying back into the room as the door opens. "You did that to yourselves," he yells at them. David looks horrified and sickened. And he doesn't even know yet that he's going to have to go right back out and buy another PlayStation.
Claire's Cubemate is listening to a Muzak version of "You Light Up My Life," and Claire is, to my horror, humming along under her breath. After a couple of lines, she starts making up her own words. "…Could it be actually / wearing these clothes." She scratches under her skirt and picks up her stapler. "I've never been / This fucking uncomfortable…" She sings into the stapler like a microphone and climbs up on the desk, singing in full voice, "Never again to wear pantyhose" and pulling out her ponytail as the lights go down and the music comes up. Of course, everyone's a kick-ass performer in their daydreams, and Claire's no exception. She sings the hell out of this chorus, with dramatic choreography and everything: "'Cause youuu / Ride up my thighs / You're tight on my ass / You climb up my crotch / You ruin my day / And fill my soul…you fill my soul with haaaate." Damn, girlfriend's got a set of pipes on her. All the other drones are now gathered beneath her, waving lit cigarette lighters. "It can't be right / When they feel so tight…" And as she winds up for the big finish ("'Cause you and you and youuuu…"), Cubemate snaps her out of it by asking her if she needs to turn her music down. The music fades as we see Claire just sitting there, rocking gently and holding the stapler near her face in a sort of "I could be singing into this, or maybe I'm just casually holding it next to my head" position. "Yeah, maybe a little, thanks," Claire says, and staples the living fuck out of something. And somewhere, Paul Abdul claps like a seal.