Back at the partner meeting, Nate is stating his own case, which is in total disagreement with both David's and Rico's plans. Although he doesn't say so, I suspect he read somewhere that some Quakers don't believe in embalming, and he's now about to give us all a demonstration of that expression about a little knowledge being a dangerous thing. "This whole business is so screwed up," he pontificates. "Death used to be something that happened at home. It was taken care of by family." That sounds awful. He continues, "All the undertaker did was build a casket. We were cabinetmakers." David carefully says that he's not sure he knows how to build a cabinet. Nate goes on to say that embalming didn't become common practice until the Civil War, when the need arose to transport dead soldiers back home without having them decompose. "And then of course some asshole figured out a way to make money out of it," he continues, as David's eyebrows shoot up. Nate says most of what they do is unnecessary, including embalming. "There is a little problem of smell," Rico points out. Nate doesn't care, saying that's part of death, and the funerary industry went wrong in trying to disguise it. "Make it look pretty and neat and somebody else's problem," he complains. What the hell is Nate's problem with that? Obviously it works for a lot of people, or else there wouldn't be so much money to be made in it in the first place. Is Nate going to start objecting to indoor plumbing on the same grounds? I can't wait to see Brenda's reaction when he starts storing his shit in a bowl under the bed. ["Nate's problem with that is the same problem he ever has with anything: he's the world's oldest pinko asshole college sophomore. Do the writers make him this much of a douche on purpose?" -- Sars] David asks if Nate has a proposal, "or is this just more of a general lecture?" Nate does: "Green funerals." "Oh, brother," Rico groans. David asks how they make money at that. Nate says it's about making a better world. David: "I'm sorry, but a world that I'm broke in doesn't seem better to me." Nate drops the phrase "conservation easement," and adds, "When I die, please wrap me in a shroud and plant me next to a beautiful tree so no one can build a mini-mall there." David reminds Nate that his pre-need specifies cremation (and how morbidly sweet is it that he knows that off the top of his head?), and Nate says he'll change it. Better hurry, Nate. David says it sounds wonderful, but they don't have that kind of money. Nate suggests getting investors (although I think in this context the correct financial term would be "suckers"), and agitatedly tells David to stop thinking of excuses not to change. David says Nate has his blessing to pursue it if he wants, but they're not putting any of their money into it. "Yeah, uh, great meeting, guys," Rico snarks, and walks out. Gosh, do you think the band is going to break up?
Cut to the bar (not Doc's this time), where Claire and Lawyer Ted are hanging out. Another lawyer comes up and tops off their glasses from the pitcher he's holding while Lawyer Ted introduces Claire as the biggest soap opera star in Holland. "Welcome…to…America," Other Lawyer says loudly. "Danke," Claire answers, and Other Lawyer takes off to lighten his pitcher some more. Lawyer Ted reveals that when they were in college, Other Lawyer invented a game where they would all put on diapers under their pants and go to a strip joint and see who could be the first to shit their pants while getting a lap dance. Gah! What the hell is the matter with law students? I suspect he didn't actually "invent" it in the purest sense, but I'll be damned if that's something I'm going to research. Claire is suitably disgusted. "I never won," Lawyer Ted quickly assures her, to her relief. I think she'd rather hear that he never played, but whatever. Lawyer Ted talks about how he has nothing in common with his old frat brothers any more, what with their "BMWs and baby strollers and golf on the weekends [and poorly sublimated scat fetishes]. I'm not ready to be my dad just yet." But he confesses, when Claire asks, that the reason he's a lawyer is because his dad is one. As Claire laughs, Lawyer Ted admits that he's a complete hypocrite. He says that he likes being a lawyer. (Miss Alli: "Wrong!" No, not really.)