Six Feet Under
Someone Else's Eyes

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Dead as Folk? No. Dead as Fuck? Yes.

Aaron: Um, you do realize that you're averaging more than a fuck a minute at this point, right?
Alan Ball: Yeah, so? You got a fucking problem with that?
Aaron: No, of course not. It just seems sorta uncalled for, you know? I mean, not even Mike Binder was that bad.
Alan Ball: Did you just compare me to Mike Binder?
Aaron: Well, no. I just…
Alan Ball: Because THAT'S uncalled for.
Aaron: I'm sorry.
Alan Ball: You should be.
Aaron: I know.
[Awkward silence]
Alan Ball: You wanna do some bong hits?
Aaron: Man, I thought you'd never ask.

For those of you keeping score at home, StC = 943. We're down in the Body Shop, and Rico is examining the DGDJ. "No major facial damage, that's a plus. I'm gonna have to do some major plug-ins on the top of the head here, though. It's a good thing he's not bald." Shout-out? "Why is that?" wonders a Nate who's been rendered oddly stupid for this scene. "Uhhh, it would be hard to wig him," answers Rico as he rolls his eyes. "Because everyone remembered him with his head all nice and shiny." Definitely a shout-out. Just then, we hear Nikolai calling out for help from upstairs. There's funny facial expressions all around, and then Nate and David bolt to go pick up a casket. Rico rolls his eyes again, and I escape the scene without telling him to shut up even once.

Upstairs, Claire is back on AOL again, chatting with Billy. As the camera lingers seductively over the America On-Line logo and subliminal messages instructing us to use AOL and watch TBS flash in the background, she agrees to meet up with him the next day. She also asks if he thinks Britney is a virgin, and Billy replies that he already fucked her four times that day (Fk=14). Claire's response? "LOL you are such a sicko [sic]." Oh, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. What happened to our love? "LOL"? I mean, really. Why don't you just put a smiley on our wedding invitations while you're at it? Just don't be trying that shit in the forums here, okay? Incidentally, those of you who've already been suckered into using AOL (Hi, Mom!) should go check out the profiles for ICDeddPeople and BillyBatty. Someone from the show has registered them, and they're pretty funny. Claire, for example, claims that she's married to "a big scary marine," and that her hobby is "setting him loose on internet geeks who bother [her]." Shout-out? Although I always thought Claire wanted to be a marine herself. You know, so she could "kill, kill, kill!" Billy, on the other hand, variously describes himself as a "whack job," "quite the catch," and a "pharmacology sponge." Just so you know. Now Claire hears Nikolai complaining about how bored he is, and she ignores him to go back to her chat.

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Six Feet Under

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