Six Feet Under
Tears, Bones And Desire

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
Body Shots

Formaldehyde Fortress. Nate and David are handling Daddy's intake, and it's not going very well. After ascertaining that Daddy's organization was called "The People," and that it's really more of a "family" than an organization, the brothers are shocked to learn that the five women standing before them were all Daddy's wives (or wives-to-be, which we'll get to later). The women's actual names are Eve, Abigail, Rachel, Rebecca, and Mary Jane, but for the sake of convenience, I've decided to dub them (from left to right) Bossy, Dopey, Greasy, Bashful, and Lolita. Bossy up offers a short prayer, and the others respond with a chorus of "Amen," "Selah," "We make it so," and "Let it be," which scores bonus giggle points for the odd pop-culture pairing of Paul McCartney and Jean-Luc Picard. David suggests having Daddy embalmed, and Bashful -- who is a "new soul" on her "first life" -- is forced to plead with her co-wives to preserve the body. The Book of Daddy delivers an impressive SttM score of 364 by way of argument with this notion ("The physical body is only tears, bones, and desire. You transcend. You don't preserve."), but Dopey and the others finally give in and consent to embalming. Bossy, however, wants to post sentries to guard the body. "There are government agents," explains Greasy. "Space forces are always following us," adds Bashful. Hee! I want a harem of unhygienic paranoids too, dammit! Oh, well. Bossy escorts the fully assembled family (kids included) out of the Fortress, and Lolita stops to flash Nate a peace sign and a nervous smile as she goes. That'll be important later.

Upstairs, Ruth pops into Arthur's room to deliver his laundry. And then they kiss! Just kidding. First, they talk a little and sniff the freshly washed sheets a few times. And then they kiss! Really! Incidentally, here's Ruth's version of a pick-up line: "Have you ever noticed your profile? You look like an emperor." Arthur's response? "Stop, you'll give me megalomania." Heh. The kiss itself (which was wholly instigated by Ruth) is just as awkward and squirm-inducing as you might expect, and it's hard to tell who's more embarrassed when they finally pull apart. I'm going to go with Ruth on that one, but only because she compounds her already uncharacteristic behavior here by muttering "Shit!" a few times as she sprints out of the room. "Language!" cries Arthur, as he marvels over the fact that his lips have finally touched another person, and, even more surprisingly, that the person was actually alive when it happened.

Down in the kitchen, Nate is explaining the whole concept of "The People" to Rico. We also learn that Greasy and Bashful are actually sisters. Ew. "You could do like a whole Warhol series, only with polygamous Mennonite concubines," offers Claire. And because it's Claire, I'll refrain from pointing out that concubines by definition can't be polygamous. On the other hand, "Make me your concubine, Lauren!" does have a nice ring to it. David further reports that "The People" live right down the street, and while Nate is disturbed by the idea that they're "neighbors with the Children of the fucking Corn," Rico is more worried about being alone down in The Body Shoppe with "sharp things and a Manson chick." Bwa! David also exposits out that he can't help with the embalming chores because tomorrow is "gay paintball day." Before anyone can inquire as to whether or not gay paintball requires rainbow-colored balls (or freshly shaven ones, for that matter), Ruth staggers into the kitchen and immediately heads for the refrigerator. She also says "shit" again, but no one gets to admonish her for swearing this time because there's suddenly a Boy Asking For Cheese there. No, really. That's what the credits call him. "Boy Asking For Cheese." Now there's an IMDb entry to be proud of.

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