Six Feet Under
Tears, Bones And Desire

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Body Shots

Cut to the office, where David is on the phone discussing his gay paintball plans with his buddy Sears and Ho-Buck. In the background, meanwhile, Boy Who Has To Pee Really Badly performs a festive interpretive dance expressing his urgent need to urinate and his bitter disgust at not landing an credits-worthy speaking part of his very own. The Ho-Buck decides to invite himself and the Little White Sex Dork II along for paintball because he's not a "candy-ass," and because "everybody loves guns." Hmm. I never would have figured The Ho-Buck as a member of the Pink Pistols, but I guess you learn something new every day. There is, however, at least one caveat: "If we're showing skin, I have to go to the gym first." Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Shut up, Charlene Heston.

Art class. Olivier rants. Oy. It's all "blah blah this is supposed to be sexy? Blah bleh blank adolescent expressionism bling blech only religious fanatics with frozen shit up their asses could produce such horror blah blee real fucking would overthrow your government." Sigh. You get the idea. His taunting, as always, is particularly aimed at Russell and Claire. "You're eighteen!" he yells at them. "You should be consumed with sex! Everything that happens should make you want to fuck. Your flesh should be on fire all the time!" "It is," replies Claire, in a perfect deadpan tone. "Yeah," confirms Russell. Hee! Unfortunately, the image of Claire as a constant horn-dog has left me with an urgent need for a cold shower and a bitter disgust at my inability to devise a clever quip with which to end this paragraph, so you're all just going to have to excuse me for a few moments.

Okay. I'm back. That was…refreshing, I guess. Anyway, David and Keith are eating dinner, and David is cautiously confessing that his friends will be joining them for paintball. Keith takes this news much better than anyone would have expected, and that "anyone" obviously includes David, who is forced to further confess that he didn't want to tell Keith about this earlier because he was afraid Keith would "rip [his] head off." "I know, I should trust you more," he adds, but Keith is completely understanding about the whole thing. "We're getting better and better," opines a pleasantly impressed David, but Keith responds to that particular sentiment with nothing more than a Spock-like cocking of his eyebrow. Uh-oh.

Over at the Sinkhole de Maya (which is roughly the date on which you'll be reading this recap if I don't get my ass in gear), Lisa is haranguing Nate yet again about his break-up with Brenda. They're all in bed for the night, and as soon as Maya hears her mommy say the dreaded "B" word, she immediately starts squealing with disgust and trying to climb out of the family bed. Heh. Unfortunately, she's unable to break free of the massive gravitational vortex generated by her own cranium, so instead she's forced to just lie there and whine a lot. Hmm. Like mother, like daughter, I guess. Nate, meanwhile, is doing what any good husband would do when faced with an interrogation about his ex, which is to provide safe, noncommittal answers while simultaneously attempting to gnaw off his own arm so he can escape before things get ugly. Whoops! Too late. "Nate, that's way too clean," whinges Lisa in response to his claim that they just "walked away." "Break-ups are gory and humiliating. You get dumped like you're nothing, like you're fucking garbage. Then you crawl around in public with your bloody guts hanging out, crying all over total strangers on the bus." Now, that's odd. I always assumed that last part was what happens when your father dies, not when you break up with someone. "What? It wasn't me," adds Lisa helpfully, if not believably. "It was a friend." Um, okay. And while we're at it, I really hope that's a body mic and not her nipple that's causing the large oddly-shaped protrusion in her nightgown. Nate finally admits that things with Brenda were "seriously fucked up," and that it "fucking hurt" when they broke up, which for some strange reason appears to be exactly what Lisa wanted to hear. She gives him a quick kiss, and then they both lie there silently, presumably thinking very different thoughts about the state of their marriage.

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