Six Feet Under
Terror Starts At Home

Episode Report Card
Djb: B | 1 USERS: A+
SFU 406: The Apology

Rico "Short People Got No Reason To Live" Diaz and his lovely wife Vanessa "Mother Superior Jumped The Gun" Diaz scurry about the Diaz kitchen while Rico regards several interchangeable children as an opportunity to mentally flagellate himself with guilt over the sorry state of the human condition. Vanessa tells Rico, "I got Cassidy for tomorrow night." What does that mean? Is that gay talk? Rico doesn't remember what the following night is, and Vanessa refreshes his memory in the please-don't-make-me-go-please-don't-make-me-go-please-don't-make-me-go cadence of the faux-supportive wife, "David's birthday dinner. Or did they cancel it?" Rico looks on in concern because he's turning into that urban myth about the guy who has two different families in two different states and so he gets really fat from having to eat two dinners every night, except he's the version who gets really short from constantly crouching low to the ground looking for the viewing audience's opinion of him as a character. "Oh, shit!" Rico calls out, because he's taken a page from The Nate Fisher Guide To Your Child's First Fucking Word, but Vanessa tells him not to worry: "It's okay. I got Cassidy. Julio's not in love with her, but at least she doesn't smoke." I guess we're just fulfilling the "equal time" laws of political coverage, what with Nate's espousing of a political agenda being penned by the DNC, so I guess they'll credit to that non sequitur to the newest Six Feet Under scribe, The Honorable Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg. But Vanessa tries to be the most weasel-y member of the animal kingdom -- well, except for the weasel -- by leading the witness: "Unless you think it doesn't matter if I go." But Rico creases his forehead in an attempt to look more distinguished and perhaps even stop his own children from referring to him as "the little boy in the blue suit" when he responds, "Maybe for David, y'know?" Vanessa picks up one of the children who apparently don't even see Rico, as he goes one step too far in the convincing process, adding, "It'll be nice for us to do things together." Vanessa totally calls him on his shit, so quickly enacting a 180 from her bitchy castrating self that her line is delivered with a hint of a Doppler effect, when she laughs, "Oh, yeah. It's a real romantic evening. Dinner at the Fishers'." Rico smiles and looks off, all, "Almost as romantic as getting a blowjob from a hooker. I mean, of course, NOT getting a blowjob from a hooker! Man, those sound almost the same. I...sigh."

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