"It just doesn't make sense," Tony Alto tells David and Rico in The Room Where People Are Sad. "Something as stupid as that." While I ready "It just doesn't make sense. Something as stupid as that" as my index page blurb for this entire episode, Tony Alto goes on to explain what happened to his wife: "Falling in the shower." He blames only himself, telling David and Rico that it was their anniversary and that he dragged her out to the hot tub and made her drink tequila. He adds that he was a good husband and that he took care of her, and he doesn't understand why God would punish him. And then he starts to cry. And then the actor playing him goes back to the Olive Garden for his shift, because his wife has gone off to The Great No Funeral In The Sky.
Have we ever seen this woman before? ["I don't think so. I'd remember someone in a sweater like that. (Who wasn't Ruth.)" -- Wing Chun] Ruth bids a woman named "Betsy" hello. Betsy seems to work at some kind of yarn, sewing, something something supply store. Ruth tells her that she's there buying fabric for pajamas for George, and then asks after a "Hakim." Betsy tells her that he "got back together with his wife," and after Ruth tells her how sorry she is, Betsy chirps, "I'm not. I left a bag of burning dog shit on his porch as a little parting gift." Which will hopefully be second only in size to the bigger, flamier bag Mr. Hakim's wife should be leaving on Betsy's doorstep for nearly breaking up a man's marriage, continuing the cycle of shit indefinitely. You know in the Southern Hemisphere, the cycle of shit actually spins in the other direction. But lo! For this has given Ruth a horribly misguided idea! She regards the newly-emergent Betsy and thinks about how much this slightly tweaked Molly Shannon character has in common with other random characters who have come soaring out of nowhere recently and distracted us from realizing that the central core of characters are becoming increasingly unable to generate any organic drama on their own anymore. ["Organic matter, on the other hand...." -- Wing Chun] Ruth tells Betsy, "You know, George has a son." She sketches out the vaguest details of her ad hoc stepson's personal dossier, leaving out only the part where he is a mentally deranged sociopath: he's forty. He's independently wealthy. He's not a mentally deranged sociopath. Betsy asks if he has a moustache, and I think I'm totally on the same page as her because I often find facial hair to be kind of deal breaker as well, but she adds hopefully, "I like a moustache." Well, then, good luck in your burgeoning relationship with Dynamite Magazine 1983 cover model Tom Selleck, because dating in the millennium might require a little bit of flexibility with the moustache thing. Because, I mean, Ned Flanders is the only other person I can think of. Betsy asks why Kyle is still single, and Ruth suffices it to say that he's "a very complex man." Betsy is intrigued, confiding in Ruth, "I like a man who can keep me guessing." Mmm-hmmm. Guessing how your head ended up in a hatbox.