Six Feet Under
The Black Forest

Episode Report Card
Djb: C | 3 USERS: A-
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Sixty-Seven Weddings And Nine Funerals

Michaela The Maybe Ghost, Her Brothers Of The Corn, Non-Adroit Hoyt, Barbed Barb, Lisa's parents, and Nate (with Maya on his lap) sit outside around a picnic table in an ample back yard in what I'll just say is Idaho. Lisa's mom asks Nate asks if it was hard for him to get away to come to Idaho, leading the witness, "You didn't have anything else going on?" His answer seems to be the right one ("The bitch has been throwing onions at me in my sleep" being the wrong one), telling her, "Nothing as important as this." She tells him, "It's been hard lately," adding, "You think you finally get to the bottom of the feelings, and then there are more." For the first time ever, Nate looks sort of "Lisa, eh" about the whole dead wife thing, and he just kind of half-smiles and tells her, "Yeah." Nate doesn't engage because he got to the bottom of his feelings, and the bottom-feeder he found there is only refraining from cheating on him right now because everyone in Idaho besides her is currently at that house.

And speaking of Brenda, we're back at The Black Lodge or whatever it is, Brenda barking into the telephone, "Byron, just tell me what's goin' on." Byron, who has Scrappy-Dooed himself right into the middle of the action after just a week, tells Brenda from the other end of the phone, "I'm on a bridge." She asks him where, and he responds, "In Los Feliz." Los Feliz? What bridges are there in Los Feliz? There's the Shakespeare Bridge at the end of Franklin, but if you jump off that, the only thing you're going to break is your phone. It's quite possibly the least threatening bridge in bridge history. The 1986 Billy Joel album The Bridge is scarier than that bridge. But then again, who wouldn't be at least a little but terrified of "Modern Woman," am I right? And this is why I would make a horrible therapist.

But we're to believe Brenda that is a very, very good therapist, so she shouts over the sound of scurrying traffic, "Byron, you need to get down off that ledge right now." A tight shot of Byron with just the blue sky around him finds him panic-stricken. He tells her, "There are so many cars. And each of them has someone inside, driving." Well, let's hope there are no suspension bridges between Byron and his bungalow on Obvious Street. Wait, wait. I think he's coming to the point. "And all those people, they all feel things." Yeah, well, then you've never met my friends. Dead inside, all of us. Brenda asks Byron to do something for her, but he busts in and yells, "I need you to do something for me, too. I'd like for you to honor your commitments. But obviously that's not something you think you should do." The crazies. They always know the truth after all, don't they? She apologizes that she had a "family matter" come up, an excuse as true and legitimate as if she's cancelled her mental patient so she could stay home and watch a Family Matters marathon on the Superstation. Byron seems to sense this, as he tells her, "Was it something really important or did you just blow me off?" Is there a third choice where...oh, no, sorry. The "blow off" choice was actually the answer. But Brenda is much more considered with his current precarious state, and she begs him, "Byron, please get off the bridge." We cut back now to discover that Byron isn't on a bridge at all, but is sitting on the back of his couch in front of a large window. You want to talk about what's dangerous? Let's discuss Byron's interior decorating scheme. He finally cops to the fact that he's not on a bridge at all, admitting, "I'm in my living room." Brenda tells him she can hear the sound of traffic coming from the other end of the phone, and he tells her it's just his air conditioner, though when I saw a portable tape player on his living-room table (and who doesn't have one of those sitting on his living-room table these days?), I really hoped the traffic was coming from a sound effects tape and that it would end and suddenly sounds of the carnival would be coming from the other end of the phone and Byron would be all, "Can't talk right now. I'm at...the carnival! Doo-doo-doodle-oodle- oo-doo-doo-doo! Bye!" But alas, instead he just turns off the AC, leaving Brenda to tell him, "If you ever do anything like that ever again, I'll have to stop seeing you." She hangs up with the maximum amount of righteous-indignation- even-though- this-is- technically-my-fault allowed by law and, for no apparent reason, thinks about cheating on Nate.

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Six Feet Under

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