Six Feet Under
The Foot

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Aaron: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
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'Til Death Do Us Part

Daniel Day Lewis: Just remember, no matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I WILL find you!

Later, the boys are walking through the service room, with Nate suggesting that they just come clean and explain the situation to Dumb's family. I've since come to realize that Dumb isn't exactly the best nickname for this guy, but I've made it this far and I'm not turning back now. I just thought you should know that. Anyway, David has to run out, but before he leaves he tells Nate that when he returns, he'd like to be greeted by "a foot, a solution on how to stop a billion-dollar corporation from putting [them] out of business, and pruned hedges." That seems like a lot of work for one man to handle, but then again, I've had a pretty busy week myself. Since last we spoke, I've celebrated a birthday, made eight trillion phone calls, played incessantly with the aforementioned TiVo, and spent $21,000 of someone else's money. I'll be pruning my hedges as soon as I finish this recap. Provided the next episode hasn't started yet, of course.

Cut to some crap-ass video stock footage of horses at the track. Why do TV shows always think they can get away with trying to pawn off some ten-year old Betacam footage on us when the rest of the show is clearly being done on film? The X-Files used to be super-bad about that, but that was before Chris Carter finally got them a budget. You'd think HBO could afford to splurge for the extra film stock. Then again, a significant portion of that $21,000 went for film stock, so I know how expensive it can be. Anyway, it's Mom and her friend at the track, and I guess this is the friend's idea of fun. They go inside to place a bet, and spot some couple kissing in the line. "They both look so happy," says Ruth, and the couple looks up to smile at them. Then Mom launches into a strident monologue about how romance fades, and people grow apart, and then they start lying, and then everyone dies. The couple runs away as fast as politely possible, but Ruth keeps screaming that "everyone dies eventually!" Yawn. Wake me when Lauren Ambrose is back.

Having apparently exhausted their quota of low-angle shots for the week, we now cut to an overhead shot of Keith and David lying on Keith's bed. We're looking down through the ceiling fan as the boys discuss whether or not it's wobbling. "Life is strange," declares David. "If just one of those tiny screws isn't screwed on tight enough, that thing could fall and kill us instantaneously. Just chop us to bits like a Cuisinart." David smiles at the thought, but Keith gives a semi-frightened glance before chiming in with, "An assassin with a semi-automatic could walk in and spray our brains all over the place." An assassin? He's a cop, and he actually uses the word "assassin"? Uh, okay. David is really enjoying this game, but it's interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. It's Federico, who reports that Claire's school has just called to say that she's in trouble. At first, Keith dismisses the call as just another attempt by David to weasel out of a potentially intimate situation, but as David's tone gets more urgent he looks back with interest. Finally, David hangs up and explains that there's a rumor going around the school that Claire put a dismembered foot into someone's locker. Keith is shocked, but David has a flashback to seeing Claire running up the basement stairs. As the flashback continues, we're treated to a shot of Claire reaching under the table to grab the foot. The only problem is, where she's currently reaching is precisely where Nate was standing when we saw her leave the room WITHOUT THE FOOT. Now, that's just bad blocking, and I can assure you that this episode's editor had a few choice words for the director when it was all over. Back from the flashback, David is going crazy. No one knows where either Claire or the foot might be, and he whines that he "just [doesn't] understand…kids. When [he] was her age, [he] never would have taken a foot." Keith offers to help because "this is what [he does]." "You find feet?" asks David. In LA, anything is possible, my friend.

Of course, while the cops are all out finding feet, Nate and Brenda are breaking and entering into the house across the street. You remember, the one Kroehner bought? Nate berates himself for getting the family into this mess, making sure to call himself a "fucking moron" as he is contractually required to do by the HBO Sunday Night Catchphrase Department. Brenda seems more interested in the fact that Nate used to play with the little girl who lived there when he was a kid. As Nate sits down on the moldy, nasty, spiderweb-covered sofa that's been sitting in the dingy, rat-infested, abandoned house for the last twenty years, he bemoans the fact that he doesn't want to see "that greedy little Nazi" win. Looks like Gerald Levin has hired himself a Catchphrase Fairy, don’t you think? Young Ghost Nate runs through the room with Young Ghost Next-Door-Neighbor Girl, and Old Live Nate continues to wallow in self-pity. Brenda sees this as a perfect opportunity to back away from the relationship, pointing out that they've only known each other for a month, and that "there's no big investment." Then she joins him on the couch and moves in for a kiss. Man, I hate this character. Nate reminisces about Young Neighbor Girl trying to kiss him when they were kids. "You can't control everything," says Brenda, and Nate joins the six people left watching in replying, "Shut up. Just shut up." She keeps babbling, and he keeps telling her to shut up, and then they start macking all over the nasty, disgusting sofa. In the background, the Ghost Kids watch and sing a little nursery rhyme. "Maire-sy dotes and dosey dotes and little lamb contrivies…"

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Six Feet Under

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