There are many benefits to having a name that starts with a double A, not least of which is the guarantee that you'll always be first on the list when people go alphabetically. Perhaps that's why we've managed to produce so many great historical figures over the years. After all, Aarons have counseled Biblical figures, dueled with authors of The Federalist Papers, led the major leagues in home runs, and currently anchor a major network news show. Of course, we've also produced the occasional talentless hack, and at least one bong monkey, but I suppose that was bound to happen eventually. Note to Aaron Sorkin: Your show sucks now, and mocking the only people who are willing to tell you the truth about that only makes you look like an even bigger tool than we already knew you were. Goddamn, but that guy makes me mad! Maybe I should just go off and be alone for a while so I can calm down.
Whew. I feel better now. And hey, speaking of being alone (which we'll be doing a lot this week), our episode opens with a lonely lady returning from work to the house she lives in by herself. We see her doing laundry, checking the mail, and sitting down to a solitary dinner with nothing but a crossword puzzle and a news broadcast meta-joke about Warner Brothers' box office revenues to keep her company. And before you can even say, "I totally called this one!" she's quickly choking on a piece of chicken and frantically pounding on her chest to expel it. She struggles to her feet and staggers away to die off-screen (presumably because that's more noble), and then we fade to white. Farewell, Emily Previn. You've taught us all to chew our food more thoroughly. But then before you can say, "What, no gimmick this week?" we fade right back up on Emily's ant-infested corpse as she's discovered a week later by her neighbor. Am I the only one who's starting to think of these openings as a really twisted version of the weekly Simpsons couch gag? Yeah. That's what I thought.
Incidentally, I'll just mention here that I take it as a point of personal pride that Mike Binder is the only HBO "star" to have been conspicuously absent from every single one of these new "Always On Sunday" promos they've been running before each episode. That's not quite as good as it would be if America Undercover were to broadcast the man's gruesome state-sponsored execution live and in color, but it's definitely a start. I'm mailing Chris Albrecht a thank-you note in the morning.