Six Feet Under
The Last Time

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Dead End

Alan Ball: Aw, thanks. But given the position that Lauren ends up sitting in, I'm not really all that surprised that you liked it.
Aaron: Speaking of which, do you think it's creepy that I'd kinda like to have that prosthetic leg as a souvenir?
Alan Ball: Um, yes.
Aaron: Yeah. That's what I thought.

For the math fans amongst us, I'll report here that the season's final StC value is precisely 557. When you combine that with the above-average Fk coefficient and the special bonus points I'm awarding because the corpse in question is me, it's easy to understand why this episode gets an A. Anyway, Rico and Vanessa are down in The Body Shop, trying to decide how they should spend their contrivance -- er, "inheritance" -- from last week. Vanessa wants a pool, but Rico insists on paying back her sister the money they borrowed to buy the house. They also take this time to sit down for a nice relaxing lunch break amongst all the corpses and chemical odors. Damn. And I thought my office had a crappy break room. They're soon interrupted, however, when David comes rushing in to warn them to hide all the food. Benny appears just seconds later, and apologizes for interrupting their lunch. Heh. As he looks around the Body Shop, he finds any number of code violations, including the fact that my body has been left to decompose on a table instead of being stored in the freezer. He also notes a tiny puddle of blood on the floor (which Rico hilariously failed to conceal), and his overall attitude throughout the scene is best demonstrated when he describes himself as being "knee-deep in human waste." Basically, the boys are busted. But we'll talk some more about that later.

Back at Claire's interview, the school official she's talking to asks why her grades took a nosedive the previous spring. Claire initially shrugs it off as being due to a "bad boyfriend," but she also eventually admits that The Late Nate's death might have played a role as well. The school official, a nice middle-aged woman who apparently doesn't merit a name, is obviously sympathetic, especially when Claire launches into a long monologue about how she always used to love to "make stuff" before her father died. Now, however, she uses art as a way of dealing with his death (among other things), and that's why she's so excited about art school. Eventually she bursts into tears, and my attempts to reach out and comfort her through the TV screen are sadly met with abject failure and several bruised knuckles. "It's fine," says the nameless woman, "I constantly cry at inappropriate moments." Well, I guess that better than constantly saying "fuck" at inappropriate moments.

Across town, Nate is delivering my body to the crematory. Dude! All I get is a cardboard box? Well, that sucks. And here I wanted the Our Lady of Guadalupe casket. Oh, well. Anyway, the crematory operator is played by J.P. Pitoc from Trick (and also Sorority Sluts III: Spring Break!), so once Alan Ball casts someone from Kiss Me Guido and Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, he'll have finally completed his long running quest to use either an actor, writer, or director from every single gay-themed independent film produced in the last ten years. J.P. (and anyone dorky enough to get why calling him J.P. is also a subtle crematory-fuel joke is either in the Air Force or has way too much free time on their hands) proceeds to inform Nate that an exploding pacemaker has damaged the oven, so he'll have to come back the next day to "torch" me. And as the crematory door slams shut in Nate's face, we get a low-angle shot of him looking disgusted by the casual banality of it all, and I'm left to wonder why it is that every single director on this show (including Alan Ball himself this week) just loves to use Nate's big, rectangular head to block out the sun so much. I guess if you've got, you might as well flaunt it.

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Six Feet Under

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