Six Feet Under
The Liar And The Whore

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Dog Dead Afternoon

Aww. It's The Lean, Green Corpse Machine. I've missed you, buddy-boy. Claire and DangerSlut are in the back, and despite the slight lesbian subtext that appears between them later on in the episode, there's nary a toe being sucked. Instead, they're passing a joint (POT = (∞ + 1)), and discussing the "nasty Chinese holistic herbs" that Aunt Sarah sent Claire for her birthday. And see what I mean about time, by the way? Apparently, we've skipped right over Claire's birthday. Or maybe everyone just forgot it. Which is a shame, because I could have done a whole Sixteen Candles thing. Anyway, DangerSlut quickly discovers that those "herbs" are actually 'shrooms, and tells Claire to blow off all of her plans for the next day. "What's wrong with today?" wonders Claire. Well, apparently DangerSlut has a date with the school's vocational arts teacher, and, as she explains, "you can't fuck for shit when you're on 'shrooms." Heh. That gets special bonus points not only for being true, but also for use of the fanciful double expletive.

Across town, Nate and Brenda have settled in for their first marriage counseling session with Rabbi Ari Intensowitz (tm babyfishfel). She delivers a long, drawn-out explanation of the counseling process, but I'm too enraptured with the idea of a sexy rabbi to pay much attention. All I can say is, if the rabbis had looked like that when I was in Sunday school, the Catholics wouldn't be the only ones getting grief right now, if you know what I mean, and I kinda hope you don't. Brenda, however, is nowhere near as taken with her as I am, and adopts a rather surly tone as she inquires about Ms. Intensowitz's own marital status. Rabbi Ari admits to being unmarried (but certainly not unloved), but then adds that she has "counseled many couples in [her] congregation, both before, during, and after marriage, and the one thing [she] can say without hesitation is that you cannot have a good marriage without honesty." "That kind of goes without saying," says Nate, and then it actually does go without saying, as we get a dream sequence featuring our protagonists wearing t-shirts that read "Liar" and "Whore." I'll let you figure out who gets which. "Are you completely honest with each other?" asks Rabbi Ari, and the scene ends as Nate and Brenda look uncomfortable.

Over at Nikolai's Flower Shop For The Emotionally Inaccessible And Recently Incapacitated, things are pretty much back to normal. Ruth remains needy, Nikolai is still grumpy, and Yuri keeps showing up to collect his money. Unfortunately, Yuri and Nikolai converse almost exclusively in Russian for this scene, and I have to admit that my Slavic language skills probably aren't what they should be. In fact, the only real Russian I know comes from web pages offering such timely gems as: Ya ne budu otvechat na voprosy bez predstavitelya Intourista. Somewhere, there's a former KGB agent giggling at that line. Anyway, Nikolai opens the register, and tries to hand over everything he has. Yuri, however, isn't interested in the petty cash. He fixes Nikolai with a stern glare, then intones, "Ah'll be back. Like Terminator, no?" Heh. And just so you know, I totally called that one.

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