Six Feet Under
The New Person

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Death takes a holiday

It's not easy being the new guy. Trust me. And while my relative newness here at Mighty Big TV is now roughly equivalent to David's level of closetedness, it's still worth noting that until the fall shows premiere, I remain the newest guy on staff here. This, of course, means that in addition to being hazed mercilessly, I tend to get stuck with all the shit work, as well. In fact, just last night, Glark made me disassemble our entire server farm and clean the pieces by hand using Q-Tips and rubbing alcohol. Oh, sure, you'll thank me when the forums are faster, but I gotta tell you, it wasn't easy. Oh, and before I forget, Sars -- I picked up your dry cleaning, bought your Yankees tickets, brushed Hobey's teeth, and I'll get started on the foot massage just as soon as I finish the recap. Just please don't make me do that olive thing again.

Ahem. Anyway, this week's episode opens with a big, giant, flaming shout-out to me. And also Gustave. See, there's this balding, dorky-looking guy sitting at his breakfast table, and he's ranting on and on and on about some poor schlub who called the customer service number where our soon to be DGDJ was working. Now I'm going to go out on a limb here, and reveal a little secret to you. While it's true that by night, I'm a wild, devil-may-care recapping superhero dedicated to truth, justice, and the televised way, but I also maintain a top-secret alter ego during the day. I'm actually a mild-mannered call center consultant, and I've had precisely the same conversation this DGDJ is having with his wife more times than I can count. If you've ever called an 800 number and had the sneaking suspicion that the person you're speaking to has put you on a speakerphone so that he and all his colleagues can laugh at you while on mute, well, let's just say you were right to be suspicious. Anyway, the DGDJ keeps babbling, and eventually his beleaguered wife comes up, smacks him over the head with a frying pan, and sits down to enjoy her own breakfast in silence. Incidentally, the Gustave shout-out was when the guy mentioned ordering fancy floor lamps. Looks like Kathy decided to get her revenge on me for calling her a hack right up front. Like I've said before, Kathy, I'm truly sorry. And thanks for not busting out the sledgehammer.

Also, marry me, Lauren.

After The Ironically White Title Card Of Death mourns the passing of Jonathon Arthur "Aaron" Hanley, we fade back up on David and Nate in the Body Shop. Kathy Bates scores her first style points of the evening by using the exact same panning shot of the DGDJ she used in the opening, only this time, the guy is lying dead on a gurney. Nate offers some speculation about why the wife decided to suddenly off her husband, including the possibility that he "had some sick sexual thing he made her do." Gee, you think he might be projecting a little bit there? Anyway, David reports that all the wife told the police was that he was "boring." Heh. Both David and Nate agree that boringness is a perfectly acceptable reason to commit murder (and aren't I in trouble if that's true!). Then Nate pauses for a moment, looks contemplative, and reveals that occasionally he's boring too. When David admits to being boring as well, the boys take a moment to consider the ramifications, and then immediately change the subject. Heh redux. It seems that business at Fisher & Sons is booming again, and while David feels secure that he can handle all the restorations in Rico's absence, Nate isn't quite so sure. In fact, he's already gone ahead and scheduled some interviews for later that day. David reluctantly agrees to hire someone.

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Six Feet Under

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