Six Feet Under
The Plan

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Speaker For The Dead

And now, for the first time I can remember on this show, we get to spend a little time with Keith and his family. He's hanging out with his mother and little Taylor, and Mom tries to hide the fact that his sister hasn't been home since Tuesday. Hmm. Tuesday seems to be a bad day of the week for the SFU staff, what with this and Nate's lack of sex and all. I bet that's probably when their scripts are due. I know I feel the same way about Sundays. Anyway, Mom hustles Taylor off to her room, promising to bring her some Pepto-Bismol for her upset stomach. "I don't want none of that nasty shit!" complains Taylor, before adding a few more swear words for good measure. When did this show become all about kids and old people saying "fuck"? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it is a pretty handy comedy crutch to keep leaning on. Keith is angry (of course), and shouts that Taylor is only trying to get attention because her mom is never around. His own mom insists that everything is fine, and that his sister Carla left a bunch of messages on the answering machine explaining where she was. Keith jumps up to hit play on the machine, and hears a confused message from Carla saying she had to go see her ex-husband. Meanwhile, Mommie Maddest keeps getting even angrier than her son, and continues to defend her daughter even in the face of overwhelming evidence that things aren't right. Then she threatens to "smack the black right off" Keith, which I sincerely hope she doesn't, as it would force me to find a new nickname for the guy.

Cut to mostly empty bar somewhere, with Brenda sitting alone. Well, almost alone. Grant Show is a few stools down, and he quickly tries to pick her up. After she introduces herself as "Candace Bavard," he wonders if she's an actress. Nope. She actually claims to teach sign language to the newly deaf, because it's "quite lucrative" and she "really enjoys communicating with [her] body." "I get that," smarms Show. Then Brenda sees Nate arriving, and Grant jumps on his last chance to ask her out. He sneaks her a business card, and then looks even more smug (if such a thing is possible) as she joins her boyfriend.

And now back to the Delta Quadrant, where Alice Krige is continuing her class. Ruth is rocking back and forth in the audience, exhaling loudly and generally looking like she hasn't been allowed to go to the bathroom all day. The Borg Queen sends everybody out to the phones in the lobby so that they can contact a loved one whose house needs to be renovated or something. Once there, Ruth's only concern is finding a product-placed Snickers bar. Ah, there's the AOL Time Warner we've all come to know and love. Robbie, however, thinks she should be looking for more productive uses of her time. "Like what? Taking up smoking?" asks Ruth. Heh. Also, flick. Ahhhhh. Robbie wants her to call her kids so they can start "rebuilding." "I don't even know where my kids are," responds Ruth. "And the last thing any of them wants is for me to call them on a Friday night so I can put in new flooring." Aww. I can't even tell you how many times I've had that exact same conversation with my own mother. Robbie pulls her over to the phones, where some guy who's been in every commercial ever is virtually jumping with joy and yelling, "I love you too, you sadistic old fuck!" into the phone. Robbie makes her call Claire, saying that "Only [Ruth] can be the architect of [her] life." Ruth takes the phone and dials, and then has a very touching conversation with her daughter about why Claire never confides in her and how Ruth has some sort of "infrastructure" problem. Once Robbie leaves (because he has to "pee like a racehorse"), Ruth pulls the phone from her ear to reveal that she's actually dialed MovieFone. Heh -- but that joke would have been funnier if it had been Kramer's voice on the phone. Or if it was at all believable that Ruth would know the number for MovieFone, for that matter.

Aww. It's time for Sad Claire, as she lies on the floor of her darkened room and pretty much appears to be hating the world in general. When the phone rings, we're supposed to think it's Ruth calling, but it's actually Gabe. Damn. He's not gone yet. Can't we get ForeignAccentedTerrorBoss or someone to do something about this guy? Please? Gabe is sobbing and freaking out, and he begs Claire to come pick him up. She grabs her shoes, and I grab my forehead and smack it in disgust.

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Six Feet Under

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