Six Feet Under
The Room

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Give me Lauren or give me death

Well, well, well. It seems that our sanctimonious young Catholic kid has picked himself up a little friend over there at Ramrod. David finds himself in his date's apartment, and there's some awkward small talk about Bar Boy's ex. David lies and says he's a lawyer from Boston, and Bar Boy is ecstatic to meet someone from the real world, which he defines as "not Los Angeles." Seeing David's stiffness (ew, not like that), Bar Boy takes the initiative and seats him on the couch. He moves in for a kiss, and then it's suddenly Oral Sex II: The All-Guy Revue. Cut to David, looking shaken, in his van, and then we fade to white.

Fade back up on Ruth apologizing to Nikolai for the slap. He tries to tell her it's okay, but she starts going on about the saucepan and the baby food she was staring at earlier, and how it made her remember all the happy times. "I am surrounded by all these relics of a life that no longer exists," she pontificates, and then Nikolai The Horny Guy shuts her up with a kiss. You know how when something is really ugly or awkward, people will describe it as being "worse than watching old people fuck"? Well, now I know what they mean. I haven't seen a kiss that bad since Shari Back in the eighth grade. Of course, knowing my luck, and all of the "hey, I know you" e-mails that keep pouring in, Shari is probably reading this right now. If you are, call me. I've gotten much better since then. Anyway, Ruth turns to discover an elderly couple standing nearby, watching. They’ve arrived for Hattie's funeral, and of course Ruth is mortified as she leads them inside.

At the school, Claire calls Creepy Jesus on the cell phone. She's pleasantly surprised when he actually answers instead of his machine, but then things start going downhill when she has to remind him who she is. Billy, having gotten the scoop on Nate and Brenda that he was looking for, decides to drop her like a hot potato. "Come on, Claire, you're what, sixteen? What do you think I am, a pedophile?" You know, I get the same reaction when I tell people I read Andrew Vachss books. Well, except from Strega, that is. Claire almost cries, and I amuse myself for a minute or two trying to figure out which body part would be most appropriately ironic for Claire to leave in his locker.

The Room. Nate leads David in, and quickly shows him around. "I just thought you should see it," he says. "I've seen it," replies Dave. "Dad traded a funeral for a room. No wonder we never had any money." Nate is still searching for answers, but David doesn't see the point. "People are allowed to have private lives. So what if Dad had a secret room? I don't care if he brought women back here to fuck. I don't care if he brought men back here to fuck." Nate continues pressing, and they have the same argument they had back at Dad's grave in the opener. You can just re-read that recap if you need to know more. David recommends packing the place up before to owner starts charging rent, and Nate complies. He does, however, stop to linger over The Glass Which Will One Day Be Important, as well as a few photo albums of Dad with the wife and kids. In one, he finds a set of racy pictures of Mom, and The Late Nate appears to say, "You have no idea how beautiful she was, buddy boy." Nate mentions that he also has no idea who his father was, and much as Nate did with Brenda's parents last week, The Late Nate professes to be not that interesting at all. "I think probably you were," Nate corrects him. "I think you were this great guy who was funny, and interesting, and…high." Thanks. It's sweet of you to say that about me, Nate. Nate rambles on about how he committed himself to undertaking because he thought that's what Dad wanted, only to discover now that Dad liked him better in Seattle. Late Nate mocks his son, standing in a corner and whining, "I never knew my daddy!" Our final shot is Late Nate's voice over an empty chair, saying, "Life's too fucking short." Somehow, I think that's all the closure The Live Nate is ever going to get.

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Six Feet Under

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