Six Feet Under
The Secret

Episode Report Card
Aaron: D+ | Grade It Now!
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I'm not dead yet! (It's just a flesh wound.)

Across town, Claire and DangerSlut are touring the campus of East Valley Community College. You know it's a bad episode, by the way, when even the Claire scenes are boring. She just whines a lot in this one, although she does get bonus points for use of the phrase "Baptist phone sex." That line actually does make sense in context, but it's equally funny even without explanation.

Having successfully escaped the scene of the crime, Karla pulls over and frantically starts searching her Volvo for contraband. Taylor insists that they tell the police what happened, but there's no way Mom would ever go for that. She's so enraged by the very idea, in fact, that she pounds on the seat and shouts, "I am so fucking tired of this shit. Why can't I ever have some fucking peace?!?" Well, it's not quite "I hope you like herpes," but it is good to see that Six Feet Under is still portraying motherhood in such a positive light. I wonder if Joss Whedon watches this show? After calming down a bit, Karla makes her daughter promise to keep this incident as "[their] little secret." She even makes Taylor repeat that back to her. Of course, if they really wanted to keep it a secret, they wouldn't have named the episode after it, now, would they?

While Karla and Taylor engage in some highly illegal mother-daughter bonding, David and Keith are waiting for them at their apartment. Keith whines about how his turkey breasts are drying out, and David responds to that with a big old yawn. "Oh, I'm sorry," mutters Keith. "Am I boring you?" Actually, yes, Keith, you are. We already know you're angry, so get a new plot and move on already. But alas, 'twas not meant to be, as Keith continues to complain about the nightmares he's been having. Finally the doorbell rings, and he answers it with even more bitching as he reams out Karla for being late. Ignoring her surly uncle, Taylor runs right into the living room to give David a huge hug. Aww.

Apparently unable to leave a tender moment alone, the editors step on my sniffling at David and Taylor's reunion by over-dubbing Nate saying, "Well, fuck, Brenda, it's Saturday night." He's ostensibly miffed that she's canceling their plans due to illness, but he really seems more interested in getting back to the legal papers that are covering his desk. And since Brenda's not really sick, that probably works out well for everyone.

Back at David and Keith's place, Taylor is jumping up and down on the bed while David tries to get her to stop. It's not until she casually mentions that her mother ran a guy over, however, that David finally manages to hold her still. "It was an old, bald, white guy," explains Taylor. Shout-out? "We're not going to tell anybody," she continues. "It's a secret. But secrets are so stupid. People always find out about secrets." Ahh, from the mouth of babes. And I don't mean that in the Lauren Ambrose sense of the word "babe," either. Then Taylor says she's just kidding. As the scene ends, David isn't quite sure what to make of this news.

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Six Feet Under

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