Six Feet Under
The Secret

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Aaron: D+ | Grade It Now!
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I'm not dead yet! (It's just a flesh wound.)

Back at the Fortress, Nate is reviewing the papers Lisa wanted him to sign. She explains that he'd be signing away all his custodial rights, but the copy of the papers available at "The Wake" (or through the clever use of your pause button) makes it appear that he'd be doing exactly the opposite. There's lots of talk in there about admitting paternity and agreeing to pay child support and whatnot. Nate himself appears concerned about what he's signing, but Lisa insists that it's just a formality, and he needs to "cut the bullshit and just sign." So he does. She also asks if he knows "what's weird about dead people," to which Nate responds with a hearty "everything." Heh. Lisa's theory, however, is that they look too perfect. "I just want to mess this one's hair up a little bit," she says, referring to the coffin-encased corpse she's so casually leaning against. "Please don't," replies Nate, as he hands her the signed documents. They head for the exit, and chat a bit more about how happy Lisa is to be a new mother. She absolves Nate of any blame in the situation, and generally does her best to convince us that she's the sane one in this relationship. And you know what? She just might be right. A little ant told me so. Lisa finishes up by saying how proud she is to be having a baby with "the last person in the world who would ever want a child," and suddenly Irony bursts through the window, does a triple back-flip over to my TV chair, ties me down by shooting webbing out of his wrists, and proceeds to beat me about the face and neck with a large metal anvil. Ouch.

Upstairs (or maybe downstairs, or around back, or wherever), Nikolai is packing up his belongings to leave. He's off his crutches, and Ruth is shocked to see him hobbling around on his own two feet. As you can probably guess without my even telling you, Ruth doesn't want him to go, and predictably gets all huffy about the whole thing.

And while we're on the subject of "huffy," it's time to meet the angry relatives of this week's DGDJ. The bereaved son is grilling Nate about whether or not he understands the intricacies of putting on a traditional Buddhist funeral. Nate, who really should know better than to try to handle these intakes alone by now, is completely and utterly clueless, even though he does claim to have read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance in high school. Given that he also wrecked his motorcycle in high school, I'm not so sure it's stuck with him. ["Just as well, I think. That book sucks. Shut up, Phaedrus." -- Sars] Just then we hear David enter through the front door, and since he can't see the DGDJ's family, it must be time for a wackily inappropriate comment. "Sorry I'm late," he shouts. "I had to stop at Video West and some fucking [Fk=3 already] idiot in front of me was writing a check. I didn't even want to watch a movie last night, but Keith got his way as usual." Apparently David doesn't know his way around the Fortress either, because he clearly heard Nate's voice coming from Das Sargzimmer, and yet he still delivered his little rant anyway, even though they're never in there without clients. When he does finally realize that there are paying customers in the house, he instantly switches over to his funeral director demeanor, and offers his condolences. He also runs down the list of requirements for a Buddhist funeral, which include keeping the body at a temple for three days, and also providing a Buddha, an altar, carpet kneelers, and some monks for chanting. Sounds like a pretty typical evening at the Aaron Abode, if you ask me. Which is probably why you didn't.

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Six Feet Under

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