Six Feet Under
The Secret

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I'm not dead yet! (It's just a flesh wound.)

Jessica: Hmm. Do you think you could turn him into a toad?
Strega: I think we should honor his Jewish upbringing and give him another bris.

Hey, look! The Ironic Segue Fairy is back! This time, he cuts us from a comment about a "Judeo-Christian upbringing," to Nate and David searching the basement for a Buddha. Nate explains that the only thing he remembers about Buddhism is that "everything is nothing." "Is that it?" asks David. "I thought it was nothing is everything." Since my power just went out and erased three paragraphs that I had to re-write, I'm not feeling very Zen at the moment, and as such, I'll refrain from any further comment. Besides, I like Phil Jackson too much to crack on his religion. They finally locate a Buddha, albeit one that Nate thinks is "kind of girly." David, meanwhile, just wonders if anyone has ever poked their eye out on its pointy little hat. That's got to be a shout-out to someone, but I have no idea who. Next, Nate notices the boxes of unclaimed "cremains" lining the wall, and inquires aloud how anyone could have a loved one cremated and then not pick up the ashes. Since it now seems likely that I'll never be able to use "How can we sleep while our dead are burning?" as a show-page recap title, I'm going to take advantage of this (somewhat limited) opportunity, and mention it here. I'd also like to say that "cremains" is the by far funniest new word I've learned so far from Six Feet Under. For the record, "angel lust" is second, and "DangerSlut" is third. The brothers' meditation on the tenets of Buddhism is interrupted by David's cell phone, and we hear him not only confirm that he returned Keith's videos, but also agreeing to have swordfish for dinner. Although, given the context, I actually thought he meant Swordfish the movie for a second. And let me tell you, anytime your significant other starts renting Swordfish, it's time to get out of the relationship. That and Glitter are the two sure signs that a break-up is imminent. Since he couldn't help but overhear, Nate is quick to point out that David hates swordfish, and David explains his reasoning thusly: "It's funny, but now that Keith and I are living together, I find myself trying to be so fucking agreeable all the time…because if you aren't, things come up and you have no idea how big the thing is going to be. It's like this constant negotiation. You can never just relax. Is that a phase, or is it always going to be like that?" "Don't ask me," replies Nate. "I have no fucking idea." Me neither. "Maybe that's just what a relationship is," he sighs. "Constantly doing things you have absolutely no desire to do."

And cue the Ironic Segue Fairy once again, as he apparently never left the basement during that last scene. This time we smash straight to Brenda's mom, gushing about how excited she is to have the kids over for dinner. Nate couldn't possibly look less happy to be there. Brenda probably could, but she'd have to be having sex with another man to really make it work. Anyway, Zhora informs us that plans for the wedding shower are proceeding apace, and that Lulu Smigel has cancelled her vacation plans just to be in attendance. You know, if we don't get to meet Ms. Smigel at some point, I'm going to be very disappointed. Zhora also mentions that her cruise went well, and that Billy has disappeared to stay "with some friends in Portland" for a while. Well, that can't be good. Oh, and the fact that it shows up later on in the episode also requires me to point out that she's served them some sort of a green liqueur ("from the most poverty-stricken village in Belize"), which comes with a sea anemone in each glass. It actually looks kind of tasty. A few off-screen thumps lead Brenda to inquire if her mother is hiding "another one of [her] young South American gigolos" in the bedroom, and then Zhora drops the big bombshell: Pa Chenowith is back, and they've reunited once again as over-the-top parody of upper-class narcissism that we've all come to know and love.

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Six Feet Under

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