Hey, Cynthia Stevenson! I haven't seen her in, like, forever. She's awesome. She's on the phone on hold in some nice wood-paneled office, when there's a soft knock on the door. "Is someone there? Hello?" she asks. The door opens to reveal Ruth, who says she was supposed to go to a Jay McInerney book signing, but when she got in the car she "drove over here and looked you up in the directory and now here I am." At first I was thinking that Ruth just wandered into the first psychiatrist's office she saw, but I was wrong. So wrong. Not that that would have been a bad idea. Ruth comes the rest of the way into the office and introduces herself. "I'm Ruth. George Sibley's wife. You're his fiancée, right?" Cynthia Stevenson nervously (and awesomely) says to her phone, "No, I'm still here, but I think I need to call you back." I'm sure Ruth just wanted to stop by and say howdy, right?
Biodiversity! It's the part of the show where the kids are singing their solos. The kid playing the part of the mountain finishes up, to polite applause. And then Durrell steps forward in his elm tree costume and raises his arms like branches for his verse, which he sings fairly well for a fifth-grader: "I am an elm tree / don't overplant me / I need to be surrounded by other trees / or else I'll die of Dutch Elm Disease." More applause. Chekhov's so heartbreaking sometimes. David goes into a flashback of himself in a little-boy/sailor costume, alone on stage in the spotlight and singing "Blow, Gabriel, Blow" from Anything Goes. Except it's adult David in the flashback and not a seventh-grade David. And also, Blow, Gabriel, Blow is a full-chorus number and not a solo for one sailor, if memory serves. Not that it matters; it's all just a metaphor for how all parents try to avoid the mistakes their parents made with them, while working in an excuse to let Michael C. Hall sing again. I don't know why it even had to be Anything Goes, unless it was to make a gay character sing about someone with a man's name blowing something. ["'Unless'?" -- Sars] We come back to the present with David applauding madly and grinning like the creepy guy on those "natural male enhancement" commercials long after everyone else has stopped clapping. At least he waited until his own foster kid was done before he tuned out. Keith snaps him back to reality, and he apologizes. And then he dies of a coughing fit. Not really.
"Why did you even have a bomb shelter?" Cynthia Stevenson wails at Ruth. Bwah! Sounds like Ruth brought her up to speed. Ruth tells her weepy successor that George "barricaded himself down there, looking like some kind of mountain man. When they pulled him out and put him in the mental hospital, that's when the really crazy stuff began." Cynthia Stevenson begs Ruth to stop. "I knew he seemed a little too good to be true…I was just so happy to meet someone who said he wouldn't mind having children." Now it's Ruth's turn to be horrified. Completely forgetting the saintly Quaker who's been dangled in our faces all season, she sits down next to Cynthia Stevenson to rifle her purse for Kyle's phone number to demonstrate what a lousy father George is. Better yet, Ruth could just give Kyle Cynthia Stevenson's address and then sit back and wait for the deliveries of poo. While Ruth is searching, it occurs to Cynthia Stevenson that maybe Ruth is the crazy one and she's making all this up. "Do I look like a crazy person?" Ruth demands, offended. "A little," Cynthia Stevenson says. Ruth says she's just trying to protect Cynthia Stevenson, but Cynthia Stevenson isn't ready to let go of the George she thinks she knows: "Maybe you're just some bitter, angry psychopath," she suggests. "I am not angry," Ruth says angrily, and angrily picks up the vase on the coffee table in front of her and angrily smashes it. And then angrily walks out without another word. Okay, she might be a little angry.