The LWSD II excuses himself to hit the men's room and pick up their check, because he's "obsessed" with Trading Spaces and wants to get home in time to record some new Crying Pam sound bites for his upcoming banner ad buy. This gives The Ho-Buck an excuse to move in on David and dispel some of the awkwardness he's been perceiving. "I feel weird not acknowledging it," he says. "You know. 'It.' How we know each other." "From chorus?" replies a confused David. "Or did I maybe see you on C.S.I. this week?" Clearly offended by this lack of recognition, The Ho-Buck offers some additional details on their supposed meeting, which apparently involved David jerking him off eight years ago in the second stall of a men's room at Sears. Yeah. I know. And I was all set to launch in a long, morally indignant tirade about David's penchant for risky public sex, but then I remembered that (Recapper TMI Alert!) the first blowjob I ever received actually occurred in the men's room of a grocery store where I worked during high school. Fun bonus factoid: The girl in question is currently in prison. Anyway, David's expression of horror here is priceless, and he repeatedly insists that The Ho-Buck must be confusing him with someone else. This continues until the LWSD II returns, and David practically throws the entire contents of his wallet at the guy in an attempt to pay off the check and get out of there as soon as possible. Before he can leave, however, The LWSD asks if Keith will be attending their performance the next night. David says yes, and the Ho-Buck offers an evil, poofy-white smirk as he smarms, "I can't wait to meet him." Dun dun DUN!
Alan Ball: So?
Alan Ball: What's your point?
Aaron: I don't even know where to start with that one. Black & Dickem? Cum see the softer side of spooge? A quick "hand me your Makita" power tool/masturbation pun?
Alan Ball: Yeah, that's funny. And just what would you have used, Mr. I-Need-A-Cleanup-On-Aisle-69? Huh? Ball-Mart? Dave Sees Plenty? Montgomery Whored?
Aaron: Heh. Ball-Mart.
Alan Ball: Shut up.
The Boredello. Well, okay, it's not really The Boredello per se, but we had that damn nickname contest and I intend to get full use out of the results if it's the last freaking thing I do. Nate is struggling in the background to assemble a crib for Maya, and Lisa busy is in the foreground "circling problem purchases" on their Visa bill. Oy. Am I the only one who finds it odd that I could hate someone more for circling a few numbers in red ink than I would if I were watching them fuck the neighborhood teenagers two at a time? Yeah. That's what I thought. Nate questions some of the things she's marked as problems, most notably a lunch with David and the $80 he spent at a store called "Book Soup" because, as he puts it, "libraries are depressing." Okay, first of all, I'm not really sure why a library would be depressing, but that doesn't really concern me very much because using the TWoP Amazon link is so damn refreshing and invigorating. Buy something today! All the kids are doing it! And secondly, what the hell is Nate doing with $80 worth of books anyway? I mean, other than Charlotte: Light and Dark, I don't think we've ever seen him read anything more complicated than the Surgeon General's warning on his pack of cigarettes. It seems a little out of character, so I'm just going to assume this week's writer (Bruce Eric Kaplan, of cartoon fame) is friends with the owner of Book Soup and wanted to get them some free publicity. Anyway, Nate finally promises to cut down on his spending, although he does get in a nice little dig when he says that it's only until Lisa is ready to go back to work. Ooh, busted! "Um, actually, I'm holding off on looking for another job," she admits, looking guilty. Rallying what little remnants of pride he has left, Nate proclaims that she can't go around making decisions like that without his input. Lisa then proceeds to demonstrate that she totally can make decisions like that without his input by getting up to walk away without even pretending to discuss the issue. Run away, Nate! Run far, far away!
Crate & Quarrel. David comes home to find Keith camped out on the sofa as usual. Keith is dreading having to reveal that he's not going to be able to make it to David's concert because of a work commitment, but David, fearing the wrath of a Ho-Buck scorned, is more than gracious about the whole thing. "Thank you for being so aware that this isn't about you," says a grateful Keith, as they share an awkward embrace on the sofa. Heh. David and I actually rolled our eyes in unison on that line. Keith complains about his security guard job some more, bitching that he used to "make a difference" and "protect people's lives." Now he just "protects their stuff." Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I used to make a difference too, you know, and now I just recap other people's stuff. But you don't hear me getting all whiny about it, do you? Well, okay, sometimes you do, but that's not the point. "Work isn't everything," says David. "I give you some meaning, don't I? You give me meaning." "Of course," answers Keith. "But we can't be everything to each other. That just isn't possible." "Yeah, I suppose," replies David. "Now what do you say we head down to Restoration Hardware? I hear they just put new air fresheners in all their bathrooms. It could be fun!" Fade to white.