Six Feet Under
The Trap

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Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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They'll never find the body

And now it's time to check in with Keith, who is sitting alone in his parked security guard cruiser. No, he's not masturbating. But I'm betting you were all wishing that he was. I know you people. He gets a call over the radio reporting an alarm going off somewhere in his neighborhood, and he's so excited to actually have something to do that he burns a little rubber pulling away from the curb.

Ruth, however, isn't going anywhere fast, as she sits in her bedroom and watches the numbers on her clock slowly tip over from 6:56 to 6:57. Hang in there, Ruth! It'll be time for dinner soon enough.

Back to Keith, as he screeches to a halt in a driveway that's already clogged with cars belonging to both the police and another security guard. After learning that the house was burglarized by someone with an intimate knowledge of its internal layout and also absorbing a little occupational taunting from the boys in blue, Keith introduces himself to the other security guard, who's a total HITG if I've ever seen one. In fact, I initially thought he was the one who was on C.S.I. this week, until I watched it a second time and realized that it was The Ho-Buck instead. Hey It's That Guard offers to buy Keith a drink, which causes the Big Black (S)Ex-Cop to raise his eyebrows a wee bit.

And while Keith is busy having drinks with another man, David is crooning his blessed little heart out at the big Gay Men's chorus concert. His solo is actually quite good, but I'm incredibly distracted by the fact that the cameraman seems to have sprained his ankle in the middle of it, because the shot suddenly gets all jittery and we end up with a really weird low-angle view that almost cuts off the top of David's head. It goes without saying, of course, that the lyrics David has been given to sing here are subtextually relevant to his relationship with Keith. He swells with pride as the solo comes to a close, and even The Ho-Buck has to turn and give him an impressed little nod. Aww.

Back at The Fortress, Nate is winding a bandage around a cut on Lisa's finger. Apparently, she sliced it on a nail that was sticking out the wall when she heard him coming in through the front door. "It was almost like somebody pushed me," she tells him. "Like some kind of invisible person wanted to hurt me." Yes! Thank God! After years and years of training and practice, I've finally reached the ultimate black-belt level of recapping, where I can actually influence events as they happen on the show! It must have been the Bene-Gesserit influence that put me over the top. Okay, now for the big one: naked Claire scene, naked Claire scene, naked Claire scene, NOW! Damn. Looks like it's back to the practice floor. Oh, well. Lisa gripes about the fact that she couldn't find Nate anywhere earlier in the day, and he immediately confesses that he went out for a drink with Brenda. As you might expect, Lisa doesn't take this news very well, even though Nate insists that all Brenda wanted was to "apologize for being such a crazy bitch when [they] were together." Hmm. Nate sure does like the crazy bitches, doesn't he? Maybe he and I have more in common than I thought. Lisa throws a hissy over the fact that Nate didn't even bother to introduce her to Brenda, and I sort of share her pain on that one, because I'd love to see the catfight that would be sure to ensue. And not just because Brenda could mop the floor with Lisa with both hands and her dildo tied behind her back. Well, okay, it is just because of that, but still. With his dwindling reservoir of testosterone completely drained at this point, Nate is forced to concede her point and apologize. Insert your own Schrödinger's Cat/pussy-whipped pun here.

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Six Feet Under

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