So I was originally planning to go all Dave Eggers on your collective asses and title this thing "A Side-Splitting Recap of a Staggering Load of Crap," but then I remembered that, technically, I'm still the new kid around here, and got scared that Wing might fire me and bring in Judd from The Real World to do cartoon recaps or something. ["Judd? No. Puck? Maybe." -- Wing Chun] Plus with that Pete guy eyeing my spot in the rotation (and don't think I don't know what you and Seth Green are up to over there, buddy), I've got to be extra careful about these things. It's a Mighty Big, dog-eat-dog world we live in, folks, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear. Which, by the way, is really starting to chafe. The whole mess is further complicated by the fact that it now appears that unlike The Sopranos, Six Feet Under won't itself be interesting enough to keep you kids coming back from week to week. So, I've decided to take matters into my own hands. You see, I've been struggling for quite some time now to develop a new hook for my SFU recaps, thus retiring the David Chase Conversations until Sopranos's season four. Unfortunately, the gimmick market is already quite heavily saturated these days, especially what with these economically depressed times we're living in. I mean, we're just one website, and we've already got action figures, wonder preemies, Talking Rudy Dolls, literary devices incarnate, musical numbers, celebrity guest stars, and, oh yeah, who could forget the previous tenants of this space, a pair of talking plastic saints. So, as you can imagine, I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with something new and inventive that hasn't already been done completely to death. Pun so not intended. In fact, to give you an idea as to the immense strain all this has been putting me under lately, here's a sneak peek at some of the creative conceits I've already considered and rejected:
I must admit I don't much like this show.
Although, I guess it could be much, much worse.
I mean, it could be Sex And The City.
Nate tries to [Verb] the severed [Noun]. But then [Dead Guest Star] appears, spouting some [Medical Term]-babble, and the whole thing goes to [A Warm Place] in a [Type of Basket].
cLaire&tOEsuCkah 4 eva!!!!!!!!, !!!!