Six Feet Under
The Will

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C | 7 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Death: The High Cost of Living

Alan Ball: Was it something I said?
Aaron: No, no. It's nothing personal.
Alan Ball: Because I can be cool too, you know. Look: "Get out. Immediately." See?
Aaron: Dude, half of them aren't even going to get that joke. Besides, you really need to spend more time on the scripts. They need the work.
Alan Ball: But think of the great guest-star possibilities. I mean, all the really cool celebrities are dead already anyway.
Aaron: Talk to the readers, my friend. It's out of my hands.
Alan Ball: Come on, you guys! Vote for Potential Gimmick #3 and keep me around. I'm way cooler than Kenny!
Kenny The Corpse: Okay, that's enough outta you, Bag Boy. Get out. NOW!
Aaron: Thanks, Kenny.

Back to the school, where Claire finds Gabriel slumped against the Corpse Machine. He and his soul-patch invite her out on a date for that night, and then there's some Mighty Big macking as we fade to white.

Fade back up on Nate, explaining Worm's finances to a tearful Mrs. Baitey. Wouldn't she have, like, a lawyer or something for that? ["Not if they're broke. Lawyers are expensive." -- Wing Chun] He suggests cremation, because it's "much more dignified, and it's in range, given the financial situation." Mrs. Baitey doesn't understand, claiming that Beauty Vision "has franchises in thirteen states and the nation of Uruguay." Nate rattles off a list of Worm's money problems, including the fact that his "former partners are suing him, there are several credits cards maxed out, run-ins with the IRS dating back to 1996, and Yale University would like him to quit telling people that he went there." Why would he say Yale? Everyone knows Princeton is the superior school. Yeah, I'm sucking up to Sars, I know, but I've got to make up for the action figure crack somehow. Nate suggests that she rent the coffin instead of buying it: "We'll work something out. And afterwards we'll give you his ashes in an urn." Mrs. Baitey starts sobbing, and Nate contrasts himself with his brother by getting up to hug her instead of shoving the facial tissues in her general direction. He's still unshaven, and he hasn't even bothered to put on a tie for this little meeting, so I guess it must still be Casual Friday at the Fisher Family Funeral Home.

Cut to the woods, where Mom and her boyfriend are hiking. Yes, it's Ed Begley Jr. No, I'm not going to bother making any jokes about him, because it's not like you haven't heard them all before. Mom is concerned that when she thinks about their relationship, it's like she's "watching the whole thing on some sex channel on cable TV." Like, ha ha. Not. Besides, Showtime is the sex channel now. Right, Camper? Anyway, they talk some more, but since this is the least interesting plot on an already not very interesting episode, I'm not going to bore you any further with it. Suffice it to say that she dumps his ass, and then leaves him there in the woods, where, with any luck, the Blair Witch will get him and we'll never have to hear from his electric-car-driving ass again. Oops. See, I told you you'd heard them all before.

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Six Feet Under

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