Six Feet Under
The Will

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C | 7 USERS: A+
Death: The High Cost of Living

Back at the House of Stiffs, it's time for Worm Baitey's funeral. He's laid out in the Titan casket, with the pink spotlights glowing. There's also some nasty-ass frat rock playing, and then we pan over to see that Nate and Mrs. Baitey are the only ones in attendance. He compliments her music selection, and we learn that she got it from the CD player in his car. "It's the last song he ever heard," she says, and somewhere Dean Martin is spinning in his grave. From behind them, some random guy enters shouting about the $45,000 Worm owed him; Nate jumps up to intercede, explaining that Mrs. Baitey doesn't know anything about the situation. He hustles the guy out. David comes down, and is shocked to see that Worm is in the Titan casket. "Yeah yeah," says Nate, "but she's giving it back. I made the deal for cremation." David informs him that the casket must legally be burned with the body now, but before things can get too heated, the doorbell rings. David opens it to reveal a woman holding a cake of some sort. It's Jennifer, his ex-fiancée. Dun-Dun-Duhhhh!

Inside, at the kitchen table, Jennifer explains to David and Mom that she hadn't heard about The Late Nate until yesterday. "He adored you," says David, and I'll just bet he did. Mom takes this opportunity to let David know that she doesn't want to answer the phones around the funeral home anymore.

We cut to Claire and Gabriel in the Lean Green Corpse Machine. They're parked in the school parking lot, and the two kids are semi-naked in the back. Gabriel says that every part of Claire' body has a new meaning to him now, including her nose, her "little hands," and, of course, her toes. He tickles her a bit, and then suggests that she do the same to him. Leaning back against the side of the hearse, he asks her to keep rubbing his foot, because it's "making [his] toe hard." Then he asks her to suck on it, and after looking a bit unsure, she finally complies. We see Gabriel close his eyes and moan, and the director thankfully decides to cut away before I begin to vomit. During my abortive run to the bathroom with the dry heaves, however, I was inspired as to Potential Gimmick #4, which will be the ever-popular song parody. This one goes to the tune of AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long."

She had a Corpse Machine
She kept the motor clean
It was the greenest damn hearse that I ever seen
She had the pouty nose
And she licked my toes
Knockin' me out with an American Beauty rose

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Six Feet Under




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