Six Feet Under

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | Grade It Now!
It's My Body And I'll Cry If I Want To

At Nate &Lisa's Hair Today, Gone Three Episodes Ago Apartment, Nate and Maya are watching Sesame Street. Elmo? Makes noise. Grover? Makes noise. Maya? Quieter than the last girl I had sex with. And she's got more head, too. Nate, meanwhile, is busy conjuring up a big old shout-out to Sars's superior recapping skills, as he visualizes Lisa stripping off her clothes and committing suicide by walking into the ocean all Awakening-style. Then he goes downstairs and places a mysterious phone call. Hmm. Who could he be talking to?

As far as David is concerned, however, the time for talking is over. He and the LWSD II are rolling around in Patrick's bed, fumbling with each other's clothes. Ever the considerate young man, Patrick offers to stop whenever David tells him to. I have to wonder, however, if the appropriate time to ask that question might have been before he started licking David's chest. It doesn't really matter much, though, because David has no intention of telling him to stop.

And it looks like Nate is determined to make sure that his brother isn't the only one getting any action tonight. He's got Blondie right there in the family bed, and they're going out at it while Maya sleeps in her crib in the background. All you need to know about this scene (except for the fact that it includes naked boobies) can be learned from a complete transcription of all Blondie's dialogue: "I want you inside me." "No wait, I like it like this." "Oh! Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh, you're fucking me. Oh, fuck me. Fuck me! You're fucking me so good. Fuck me! Fuck me 'til I can't remember my name. Just fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!" Damn. Fourteen fucks in twenty-three seconds. Now that's impressive. And it was probably the best orgasm of Nate's life. The problem, however, is that I had to raise the volume and rewind and re-watch this scene three times to count them all. I'm sure my new neighbors just loved that. They probably think I'll be inviting them over for tea and porn any day now.

Cut back to David and the LWSD II, as Patrick sleeps with a glowing smile and David lies there looking worried. Fade to white. Incidentally, many of you in the forums have speculated that each fade to white in this episode represents someone's death. The one in the opening scene is obvious, as was the one after Claire's abortion. The one after Russell's phone call, combined with the ambiguous preview for next week, might also make you think the grease monkey had committed suicide, but unfortunately this one here seems to shoot the entire theory out of the water. Unless we're counting orgasms as "the little death," that is.

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Six Feet Under




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