Six Feet Under
Untitled

Episode Report Card
Djb: B- | 3 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Untitled

Maya's hair is in pigtails and Brenda wears earrings that are taller than Rico! And that has been your Page Six fashion round-up of Claire's big, big show. Ruth comes over and greets Maya, and then stands up to talk to Brenda. "Everyone's very impressed with Claire's pictures," Brenda says, which is basically like saying, "You got a haircut!" where it sounds like a compliment but really it's just a generic observation. Because two sentences about other people besides themselves nearly break the characters on this show in half, Brenda turns the spotlight back on herself, as she tells Ruth, "Nate and I are back together again. That must seem very sudden." Ruth attempts to comfort her with the information that she married her husband right after they met, which would be a lot more comforting, truth be told, were the man she chose to marry not sitting at home right now thinking a bag of pecans were the reincarnation of Hitler.

Art! Art! Art! Are we trapped in here for the rest of the episode? Is that what's going on? Sisto loves art, so he's there to see the show, and when Claire appears behind him, he asks her, "None of your pieces have names. How come?" So she takes her art stance and tells him, "I feel like when you give something a name, people take your word for it. Which is okay for some things. But not these." God help whichever one of them loses the battle to change their IM name to "Untitled" before the other one has a chance. "I want you to really look at it and deal with it on your own," Claire continues as Russell circles ominously. "It's like life." Shut up. It's not like life at all. Claire starts to laugh just then and tells him, "I have no fucking idea what these pictures mean." Billy laughs because art is a lie. And put down the gritty handheld camera, Maestro Ball, unless you're trying to convey that this art show is actually taking place at sea.

Seriously? Nobody cares. Stop telling me I do. Because I'm going to make a list of things I don't about this scene, and care is going to be the very first one of them. Out by a fancy pool, Keith tells Roger, "You don't need a bodyguard." Raise your hand if you're a glorified extra who has outlasted his usefulness by, like, ninety episodes. Keep 'em where we can see 'em, Charles. But Roger presses on, promising Keith, "I have enemies." You're looking at one. "I just want to feel safe. And I will pay you a shitload of money." This is starting to sound more attractive to Keith, who now allows that he may be able to do it, but only on a "freelance" basis. But first he needs something in writing that he's going to drop the lawsuit. Then some extremely beefy guy wearing jeans takes off his jeans and jumps into the pool naked. "Is that one of the people you're afraid of?" Keith asks. "That's Steve," Roger answered. "He stays in the guesthouse sometimes." Well, maybe he needs his own stupid side plot too, then. Six Steve Under porno spinoff, anyone?

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Six Feet Under

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