Six Feet Under
You Never Know

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
Nobody Likes A Busybody

Back at the Fortress, Claire has brought JP home to forage in the refrigerator. Nate wanders into the kitchen, and gives his sister a giant, shit-eating sibling grin when he recognizes JP from the crematorium. He tells the kids that Mom won't be home for the night, and also asks Claire to pick up some death certificates from a nursing home the next day. "Ugh, I hate those places," says Claire. "All the old people want to touch my hair." Sigh. The only people who ever want to touch my hair are some researchers from Rogaine. Nate heads into the living room, and sits down to watch a little TV. The folks in the forums report that he's watching an episode of The Pet Psychic from Animal Planet that actually features a gay parrot and his owner. Hee! Someone on the SFU staff spends WAY too much time watching TV, and when a guy like me can say that, you know you've got problems. He calls Lisa from the couch, and tells her that he won't be home for a few more hours because he still has a lot of work to do. Hmmm. Looks like someone else has a few problems as well.

In the kitchen, Claire is giving JP the lowdown on her brother. She tells him all about Brenda, only she refers to her as "Charlotte: Light and Dark." We're somehow supposed to believe that JP is actually familiar with this book and its contents, despite the fact that it couldn't possibly be any more apparent that he hasn't read anything longer than Slacking For Dummies since the seventh grade. "So we should do something, like next Friday or Saturday," he suggests, and Claire immediately catches the hidden meaning in that particular loaded statement. "Have you been thinking the two us were, well, you know, exclusive?" he wonders. "Because I never really meant to give that impression." Ouch! That had to hurt. But don't worry, Claire! I'll comfort you! We'll stay up late, and eat cereal, and listen to Sleater-Kinney all night long! And I promise not to touch your hair. Much. "You see other guys, don't you?" he asks. "You're always talking about Russell." "Russell is gay," snaps Claire. Ooh. That had to hurt, too. I sure hope Russell stocked up on Cap'n Crunch. Claire gets up to stand by the sink as she tries hide how upset she is. JP asks if he should leave, but instead she just smiles at him as he slinks over to stand beside her. No, Claire! Don't do it! Just because he doesn't go around mooing at helpless convenience-store owners doesn't mean he's not evil! But alas, Claire -- who's obviously getting tired of all her high-class toys and the presents from her uptown boys -- succumbs to the evil power of the giant bird tattoo, and slowly leads JP up the stairs to her bedroom. Sigh.

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Six Feet Under




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