Six Feet Under
You Never Know

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Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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Nobody Likes A Busybody

Ahh, yes. And now for the scene I've been dreading all week. Claire and JP are lying in bed at his place, talking the night away and telling stories about their high-school prom experiences. Claire admits that she didn't go to hers (I guess taking George Marykayletourneauitis probably would have been frowned upon), and JP confesses that he took one "Nancy Pollard," who "smelled like fried chicken." Heh. For my prom -- and again I'm not making this up -- I actually took a girl named Bobo. Yeah, that's right. My prom, my Bobo. We get the new season's first mention of DangerSlut when Claire reveals that the two of them spent prom night getting drunk on champagne in the school quad and saying "good-fucking-bye to high school." And then they made musical pants, professed their undying love for one another, and danced under the moonlight until dawn. Or maybe I just dreamed that last part. Claire elaborates some more on the melancholy memory of saying goodbye to the only life she'd ever known, and then sighs and wonders if she could "be any more pathetic." JP leaps to her defense, claiming variously that she's "sensitive," "perfect," and possessed of the "softest skin" he's ever touched. Oy. The guy is smooth, I'll give him that. Of course, that's mostly just because he had to wax his chest to make room for the giant bird tattoo, but still. He asks what time she has to get up, and even though the night is still young, Claire discovers that she has a class in three hours and hasn't even started the assignment. "You keep distracting me," she explains. "My hands are, like, magnetically drawn to your dick." Ew. Sigh. Ew. You know what? I'm just going to pretend that's because he accidentally smeared some of my...er, "Aaron Buchbinder's" ashes on there and she's somehow sensing a mystical connection. That's really, really gross, but it's the only way I can I make it through the scene, okay? "I have to read and critique some theoretical conceptual bullshit," she continues. Yeah. Substitute "watch" for "read," and I know exactly how she feels. "I know exactly how you feel," says JP, before adding that he dropped out of music school for exactly the same reason. Then he tells her she's "amazing," and leans in for another kiss. Hey! I once dropped out of film school! I think she's amazing! So how come Claire's hands aren't magnetically drawn to my dick? Sigh. Again. Fade to white.

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Six Feet Under

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