Episode Report CardDjb: F | Grade It Now!
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Everyone's in bed with everyone. Son 2.0 tells PornDaddy that he wants Jewel's room if she moves out. But what will he do with his entire wing? Hasn't he looked at his house lately? Meanwhile, Jew-liet tells her mom that she and Adam did it. PornMommy and Jew-liet are in bed together too. They're totally not talking about the issue at hand, though, PornMommy focusing on what kids at school say about the family business. She tells Jew-liet that if kids give her a hard time, she can tell them to "go jump in a lake." Oooh, that'll cut 'em good. If she's trying to slice them down with colloquialisms best used for when someone tells her that her father's a Communist while hiding under her desk in an air raid drill. Seriously, I haven't heard that expression since Jughead said it to Reggie in the first Archie Comic Digest. That Jughead. Will he never win? PornMommy lies to PornDaddy. Quordon's lawyer tells him that he received the list of witnesses to testify against him, and that the first name is Goldman's. How this comes as a third act shock is a shock. Quordon -- who has done nothing but squint and glower -- squints and glowers and tells his attorney that if he doesn't do away with Goldman, "you're next." Quordon's Quattorney tries to clarify the difference between "lawyer" and "contract killer," and fails to convince him or us. Goldman wanders through the District Attorney's office, opening the door to Roam's inner sanctum to discover his advisers hard at work trying to erase all the porn from Roam's computer. Goldman asks for "a word" with Roam, and the rest of the assemblage scurries off. Once he and Roam are alone, Goldman takes heed of a photo of Adam, proclaiming him a "good-looking kid" (and how!), and using that non-segue to turn to the photographs of Roam and Banks, telling him that this should be enough to prevent him from having to testify. But Roam retorts that he feels sorry for Goldman, living the sick life of degraded sleaze that he does, and tells him that he and Banks were in a hotel room interviewing a protected witness for the case against Quordon. And he walks up to a conveniently appearing television set and hits play with a conveniently located remote, and whaddya know! Cued up to the good parts, baby! On the tape, Quordon's business associate from last week (simpler times, when he was still known merely as "Cordone") tells Banks that Quordon ordered the bombing of the club because Goldman refused to break the law and launder his money. Oh, ouch. Outside, Goldman makes two quick calls, firing Mr. Private Investigator and telling Right Hand to "make this damn trial go away." For some reason, Right Hand appears to be holding his side of the phone call from the set of 2001. Which is when this episode started.