Episode Report CardDjb: F | Grade It Now!
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Goldman leaves, his fact-finding mission having come up empty. A moment later, covered in dust bunnies and Yaffa Blocks filled with stuffed animals and concert t-shirts from bands Jew-liet saw in junior high (because tell me that's NOT what's under your bed), Adam crawls back out and resumes his search for his missing clothes. Just borrow the Soup Dragons at Nassau Coliseum shirt! No? Doesn't fit? How about Erasure at Jones Beach? Phish at Red Rocks? Billy Joel at...everywhere your parents bought tickets for? I can keep going. But instead, Adam prefers the futile "stumbling around blindly, perhaps as it reminds him of his days growing up in the house where the sun doesn't shine. Goldman tells Wife Goldman that he found Jew-liet "asleep. Alone." He gets to be right and his daughter gets to be an unsoiled vestal princess, all at the same time. His anxiety passive-aggressively handed off to his wife, she proclaims herself "wide awake." Goldman tells her that that's her punishment for not trusting his own daughter. She responds, "I'll show you what you get." Ooooh, she's so coquettish. She must really love money. Adam and Jew-liet part with sweet sorrow, Adam leaping over the balcony and taking off through the front lawn of the house. But lo, all of the sprinklers go off at this exact moment. And with no shoes! And with only his family's wheelbarrow to get him past "Go" and safely back home. Halfway through the episode seems a bit late for the credits to me, but I was only #52 on the Power List, so what the hell do I know? Morning at the International House Of $$$Cakes. Wife Goldman chases Jew-liet down a long spiral staircase, insisting, "Don't be facetious" to a comment we don't get to hear and therefore cannot judge whether it was really facetious or merely bitchy. Jew-liet stays a few paces in front of her mother, insisting that she "went to sleep alone and woke up alone." This defense is interrupted by a younger male voice non-corroborating, "You woke up ugly." Is that actually what he said? And, more importantly, who the hell is that? I think the male heir to the Goldman thrown might have aged five years. And become a completely different person. Sigh. Rich people. Is there anything they can't do? But Wife Goldman -- a smart scarf silk scarf tied around her neck just in case some yachting should spontaneously break out around her -- continues on something about blah blah this conversation isn't over. Jew-liet tries to explain that she's going to be late for school, and just then a new character, "The Spanish Maid," calls over the balcony, "Don't forget your homework." Jew-liet and The Spanish Maid commence a conversation of a few sentences in Spanish, causing Wife Goldman to panic, "What are you saying? What is she saying?" GoldmanSon 2.0 calls over the balcony, "She said it's in the bottom drawer." Wow, it's not even Sabato, and still the house is so Gigante! It looks like Jew-liet and The Spanish Maid are in some kind of cahoots-ish relationship that may or may not figure prominently into this episode at some future point. I sure hope Jew-liet finished her homework assignment of writing "I will not insult the collective intelligence of the audience with such blatant and contrived bouts of foreshadowing" five hundred times. In Spanish ("No insultaré la inteligencia colectiva de las audiencias con tales combates evidentes e ideados del presagio"). Wife Goldman mutters in desperation to Spanish Maid, "I wish you two would speak English." "Si, señora," Spanish Maid hilariously replies. And Jew-liet seems to leave without her homework. And what the hell is her homework doing "in the bottom drawer," anyway?