Episode Report CardDjb: F | Grade It Now!
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"Mr. Roam has been running for office since the day he was born," (sources say: not yesterday), explains Mr. Private Investigator Man. "At first blush, one would be tempted to believe that he is the only politician who did not inhale." Two Clinton references in two weeks? Lay the hell off, Bruckheimer. These words are juxtaposed with shots of Roam sneaking through a dark hotel parking lot looking like he's up to all things super-sneaky. Private Investigator Man hands Goldman a whole mess of information, explaining that Roam has two cell phones and a post office box and numerous hotel room charges. "Methinks I smell an affair," he explains, forcing the one required Shakespearean sentence construction of the week. Roam calls Mama Roam and explains that he has to work late. Roam walks into a hotel room alone. Methinks the biggest dramatic turning point of this show is whether it will be still on after the commercials. Quordon, in his prison oranges, fights with his lawyer, begging, "You've got to make all of this go away." His lawyer explains in no uncertain terms that only 1.21 jigowatts at 88 miles per hour can un-explode the club and that, outside of that unlikely scenario, Quordon's accountability remains pretty high, and that this isn't just going to disappear. Quordon wants to know why Goldman is still alive when Quordon's still in jail, insisting that he'd rather have Goldman dead and risk death himself than give Goldman to the authorities so he can stay alive in jail. And, meanwhile, Roam and his ever-shrinking team of advisers (weren't there, like, eleven people in that room last week?) chew over whether they can get Goldman to take the stand at Quordon's YAAAAAAAAWN. Bo-ring. Roam thinks that if they can get Goldman on the stand, the crozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-examination will force him to reveal his sleazy past with Quordon. Sydney gets all hepped up, suggesting that they try to get cameras into the courtroom. Not Sydney worries that this will be seen as "political opportunism," bur Roam insists that putting Quordon and Goldman in jail "isn't politics, it's justice." Roam once again speeches them that he isn't doing this for political gain -- taking a meaningful walk over to where many heavy, law-looking books are lined on mahogany bookshelves -- and mystifyingly says, "You know how millions of parents start their day? They get up, they turn their kids' computer on, and they sit there for twenty minutes deleting porn. Hard-core porn that their kids don't ask to see and their parents do want them to." Wait, what? Does he mean porn that comes in spam? Or that someone else downloaded? Because that actually is quite illegal, and doesn't gel with the response of "Censorship. That's what you're talking about." Roam thinks that the censorship line was crossed when "kiddie porn showed up under the banner of his website." Is the writer of this episode researching these issues on Mosaic? I've never heard a less reasoned argument for prosecution based on internet pornography. Here, let's break it down: