Smallville
Accelerate

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | 1 USERS: A-
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Send in the Clones

Counting down, people. The season's end approaches, and instead of the crapfest filler we had around this time in Season One, there's actually an interesting mix heading down the home stretch. (Note: What qualifies as "interesting" may vary among viewers.)

We open on a movie-theater screen showing an old black and white movie, House on Haunted Hill (1959). On screen, a woman holding a candle and a man holding a candle are about to be separated. "Is she crazy?" says Pete in the audience. He's sitting next to Clark, who's sitting next to Lana, who's sitting next to Chloe. "Get that candle and get your butt out of there!" Pete yells at the screen. On my God, Smallville, no you didn't. Perpetuating the "Black People Yell At Movie Screens" stereotype? That is wrong on so many levels. If I could see your white hands right now, I'd smack them with a ruler. Clark tells Pete he doesn't think the woman can hear him. Black people so crazy! Chloe shushes them and tells Pete and Clark to hit the mute button. This is the first time we've watched people actually watching a movie in the Talon theater. The woman in the movie taps on the wall theway her male companion told her to. She turns and a creepy old guy with frizzy white hair suddenly appears. Michael Jeter back from the dead, no! The woman screams. Lana jumps and put her hand on Clark's. Clark notices the hand. Chloe notices the hand. Lana, ten minutes later, seems to notice that an appendage of her body is touching someone else. She slips her hand away. It should come as no surprise that Lana's wearing pink. Long shot on Clark as he tries to get his boner to settle down.

Later that evening... Outside shot of The Talon. The marquee reads, "Fright Fest -- House on Haunted Hill." The sign is turned off. Inside, Lana is clearing all kinds of trash from between the aisles. None of her friends offered to help clean? No wonder Lana's all messed up. The lights suddenly go off. Lana looks around in the dark, and we hear a footstep crunch on something. "Hello?" Lana calls out. Lana asks who's there. Suddenly, the projector starts up and we hear "Ring Around the Rosie" being sung by a little girl. On screen are two girls playing. One of them sits on a chair and waves. Lana watches the screen and gulps heavily. Behind Lana, the doors close. Knowing what I know about the rest of the episode, how did the little girl know how to work a theater movie projector? And how did she have her little home movies in a compatible format? Just sayin'. The seats around Lana move. Lana's fixated on the screen as the little girl offers the cameraperson an apple. Lana looks down and sees the same little girl who's on screen right in front of her. The girl calls her by name. "You're so big," Creepy Crazy Little Girl says. That's right little girl, she's big! Huge, I tells ya! She's gonna be a big star! Did ya see the cover of TV Guide? Huge! Lana backs away and starts running up the aisle, but, whup, there's Creepy Crazy Little Girl again, right in front of her. She's fast. Lana screams. The little girl asks why Lana is scared. Well, because you're a Creepy Crazy Little Girl. (CCLG for short.) Lana runs the other way, but CCLG shows up on the stage. "Do you want to play with me?" she asks. Lana runs back the other way because it didn't work the first time. Lana turns and this time it's Clark behind her. ACK! Don't do that, Clark! Clark asks what's going on. Lana, panting, looks in the theater but doesn't see CCLG. And the movie has been turned off, too. Lana explains to Clark -- or tries to, between shallow breaths. But before she can give any useful info, Lana says she saw "nothing." Lana looks back at the theater. She and Clark leave under the EXIT sign. We pan across the theater and see a stuffed bunny. The little girl holding it is sad. And creepy.

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Smallville

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