Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Zero To 60 In Three Days

Kent barn. Clark is grabbing some sacks of stage business as Bo platitudes that, hey, the dad is just too young and fatherhood is an enormous responsibility. Children who land in strange craters aren't going to just raise themselves! Clark is still angry. He shouldn't be the only guy his age getting pissed on by babies. Clark is mad that Evan's going to die because his father won't help. Bo Duke says that they'll figure it out, but what's more important is what they'll tell Evan. I hate to disagree, but I think the fact that he's going to die soon without a bone-marrow transplant is a little more important than how you're going to tell him about his dad. Clark suggests not telling Evan about his father: "He's going to take it pretty hard." Bo says that an orphan child has a right to know about his origins. "You should know that better than anybody," Bo burps, putting a hand on Clark's shoulder. Bo offers to talk to Evan. He says he has some experience in the area. Clark wants to tell Evan himself.

"Tell him what?" Evan asks, walking in suddenly with Lana. Where's your super-hearing now, Man of Rusting Steel? "Did you find my father?" Evan asks hopefully. Well, yes, but he's a douche. Lana smiles: "Clark, where is he?" Lana! Ix-nay on the ather-fay! Oh. Wait. Evan did get past "Pig Latin" in the encyclopedia. Clark says only, "He works downtown." At the police station? Clark tells him the name of the auto garage and the name of Evan's dad. Tanner? What a disappointment. It gets very awkward when Evan asks, "When can I see him?" Bo steps forward when Clark chokes on his unprepared speech. He says that sometimes when you meet your biological father, it can be painful. Especially when he belittles you and then yells at your mom to go get him his goddamn turkey pot pie and you say, "What about you, Dad?" and he says, "Fuck you!" And then you go, "No, what about you, Dad?" And he goes, "Fuck you!" and you yell, "NO! DAD! What about you!?" and then he hits you on the head. That always sucks. Evan doesn't understand. Clark steps forward and says that dads don't always live up to your expectations. Evan, have you ever heard of a "baby daddy"? Evan still wants to see his father. Lana interjects that they're just trying to protect Evan. "You can't protect me!" he whines. "No one can!" Except his douche daddy! Clark tells Evan to calm down. Evan: "Stop telling me what to do Clark! You're not my father! Gaw!" Clark is like, "What the fuck just happened?" Oh and happy Mother's Day, by the way, Lana. You're not my mother, either! Evan runs up to the loft. Uh, kid, the exit is downstairs.

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