Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Zero To 60 In Three Days

Commercials. Yoda likes Diet Pepsi. Wow, the force of taste is not strong with this one.

Smallville Medical Center. Sure, why the hell not? Sheriff Cheshire, working the late shift, is questioning Clark and Bo Duke in the hospital hallway. She's wearing her Marge Gunderson jacket. She informs them that babies just don't fall out of the sky. Ha! But see, that's funny, because Clark did that one time! Genius! Clark tells her that there was a thirty-foot crater. He asks how else she'd explain it. Cheshire says she can't, and that's why they have this thing called an "investigation." Perhaps you're heard of it? Similarly, we're total dicks to each other in rehearsals for our upcoming show. When somebody asks a dumb question about something they forgot, we all pile on: "There's a collection of papers with directions for what we say on stage and where we move around. That's the script to the show that we're having next week. You should totally come! It's Thursday at 8." Bo asks what's going to happen to the baby. Can he feed it to the cows?, Cheshire says that they'll put the kid in Child Services until they find a family for him. Shouldn't they be looking for the parents first? Cheshire has a rare moment of empathy for Clark. She tells him he did something good for a change. "The little critter wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you." "Critter"? Like that movie about the critters from space? The one called Critters? Maybe she meant "fritter," like the pastry. Clark doesn't show any emotion at all. He's probably wondering about the word "critter," too. When the sheriff leaves, Clark takes Bo aside to tell him he doesn't think the parents are from "around here." My God. Zee Germans. Run! Get help! Bo takes a good long while for his line, looking around and sputtering a bit to give it a running start. He asks if Clark thinks the baby is not of Earth. Clark says his parents found Clark in a crater, too. Bo says that when they found Clark, there was a spaceship nearby. Maybe the baby had valet parking. Bo says they don't know what happened in that field. Ooh, ooh, I do! It's right up there in this recap! Clark looks incredibly bored or tired, I can't tell which.

Crying baby. That's a portly little baby. Clark and Bo Duke enter the exam room. Lana is holding the child. MamaKent is beaming. This baby is like crack cocaine for her. Lana complains that the baby won't stop crying. Geez, baby! What's the deal, man! At least when Lana cries, it's for a good reason! Teen angst! MamaKent says that the crying is a good sign that the baby is healthy. The cries of a child are like sweet maple syrup to MamaKent. And she's on a sugar high. Lana says she's going to get more formula for the baby. Why not breastfeed? Oh. Right. Lana. Lana moves to hand the baby to Clark. He's like, "Me!? Are you kidding? I will crush him with my clumsy hands like a grape under a cinderblock! Did I say that out loud?" Clark holds the baby and it quiets instantly. Clark smiles. Huh. Baby. Lana says that someone must have the magic touch. Clark suddenly misses Lex. Smiles all around. Lana exits. MamaKent touches the baby's foot. Oh, sweet babyfoot! Mmmm, that's good babyfoot. Clark asks where Child Services is. MamaKent says they're not coming; they have no room, so they'll keep the baby in the hospital until they're able to take him. Clark is offended by that idea. He says that maybe the baby can come stay with them. First Lois, then the dog, now a baby? But, sure, I'm certain they'll let you walk right out with a baby. Bo looks concerned. MamaKent just won the heroin lottery. It would be silly how baby-crazy she is at this moment if it wasn't sad that she lost hers. But of course, that won't be mentioned in this episode. Close-up of the baby. The closed-captioning has someone asking the baby, "What do you think?" which is cute, but didn't make it to the final edit.

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