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Zero To 60 In Three Days

House of Kents. Clark is carrying the baby in the crook of his arm while he holds a bottle in the other. He's wearing a tight red shirt that accentuates his biceps. This is one of those "hunky man holding baby" prints you see at Deck the Walls in the mall. Clark asks the baby if the formula is too cold. Clark holds up the bottle and eyejaculates at it (but lightly) to warm it up. Yeah, it's bullshit, but cute. I wish there were more moments like that on the show. The baby wiggles and Clark says quietly, "Try this, try this, try this." All the Clark fans get all moist in the nethers. MamaKent, wearing a coat, says that she can get someone named Chelsea to cover for her at The Talon so that Clark doesn't stay home. She needs her fix, man! Hand over the baby! Clark duhs that it changes your perspective to have someone who depends on you for everything. Like the producers depend on Lana? Clark's giddiness suddenly stops as he realizes that the baby needs a diaper. MamaKent hands one to Clark and leaves for The Talon. Bo's out in the barn. Does anyone else think it's a bad idea to leave a newborn with Clark?

Clark gets down to some diaper-changing. He winces. Man of Steel, huh? Note to future supervillains: baby poo Kryptonite. Lana enters without knocking. "Clark Kent. Changing diapers like a pro," she says, smiling. There's a pro circuit for this? Clark smugly decides that this baby stuff ain't so hard. A pee fountain suddenly erupts toward him. It doesn't get him soaked, but it does put a urinary damper on Clark's enthusiasm. Lana chortles. "Nice aim, Little Guy," Clark says. Lana -- not annoying, for once -- says that they can't keep calling him "Little Guy." Well, as he grows, I'm sure more names will become self-evident. "Not-Quite-As-Small-As-Before-Guy." "Medium Guy." "Big-For-His-Age Guy." Lana says that if they don't come up with a name, they'll make fun of him when he gets to high school. I have to reshuffle the contents of my brain to encompass a world where Lana said something I actually found amusing. Clark says that since they found him in Evans Field, they can name him Evan. Wow. Shelby the dog and Evan the baby. The Kents are on a hot streak. Lana giggles that he likes it. She introduces herself and Clark to the baby, formally. I don't know if that's necessary after you've already changed someone's feces. Lana says he's the most beautiful baby, like, ever. Clark tells Lana that maybe they should take a step back. He just pooped again.

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