Smallville
Ageless

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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
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Zero To 60 In Three Days

Smallville High. Inside, Chloe is telling Clark that the friendly phone company just got friendlier. Oh, man, it's a Verizon commercial. Actually, Chloe was able to get a trace on that 911 call. Chloe says it was a girl named Karen Gallagher. Clark remembers her and not just from the yearbook Chloe is showing him. He asks if she was Wall of Weird material. Chloe says the girl used to short out monitors when she'd walk into the computer lab, but nobody knew she had super-fast pregnancy powers. They walk into the offices of The Torch. Clark asks how long she was pregnant. Chloe is privy to information about a party where Karen "went NC-17" with some guy in a bedroom. NC-17? I know what it is, I'm just not sure why I'm hearing it come out of the mouth of a high-schooler. Clark repeats what Chloe said just to make sure it's not as crazy as it sounds. Then he says they need to find Evan's father. Right. I thought that's what we were doing here. Chloe does something smart -- even for Chloe. She's looking at an Evite for that party, checking all the names on the guest list. She grouses that the invitations for her and Clark must have gotten lost in the mail. We scroll down a list of RSVP names. Nice plug for Evite, that.

A car body shop. Clark -- looking dorky with his folded piece of paper -- asks for a Tanner Sutherland, which you usually have to pay extra for at the massage parlor. Tanner was on the Evite list. Clark finds the teen, who's working under a hood right then. (Car hood, not KKK hood.) Clark asks Delinquent Dad if he was at that one party last week. It was killer, dude. DD lies that he thinks he was working. "You didn't hook up with Karen Gallagher?" Clark asks, all accusatory. DD asks what Clark wants and who he is. "I'm the guy who found your son," Clark says sternly. It would be great if Clark jumped the gun and it was somebody else on the Evite he should be getting all self-righteous with. "Look, dude, I don't have a son," says DD. He also has work to do. Clark lectures, "I'm not gonna let you walk away from this. You have a responsibility!" DD tells Clark to get off of him. Clark tells DD that his son needs help. Clark wants to know how Evan got into that field. DD tells the story of how he hooked up at the party, then got a call the next day from the girl saying she was pregnant. He says he went over and the girl's stomach was already, you know, pregnant. He says that, a week later, they were in his car on their way to the hospital. He says she was screaming and then the car went up, "like a freakin' A-bomb!" DD says it wasn't a baby. "It was some kind of monster," he says. Uh oh. Clark looks at him coldly: "He's a human being, Tanner." Yeah, Tanner! "And he's your son," Clark adds. He tells DD that his son is aging rapidly and needs a bone-marrow transplant from DD. DD says, "What!? No!" in a highly comical and very expected way. DD says he can't deal with this. He walks away. Clark maybe should have tried a slicker approach than the "You suck, deadbeat dad" method.

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Smallville

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