Smallville

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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It's a Wonderful Life (But Not Such a Wonderful Show)

On Krypton... the place is falling apart. We're in a chamber that looks like the Fortress, but with green lights and lots of fog. Brainiac is carrying Baby-El, who is crying. He places the baby gently on a glowing surface. He sure is taking his time altering the course of history. Does he need a reboot? "It's time to sleep," he says. The baby, wrapped in a yellow blanket, continues to cry. Brainiac raises a gnarly, black spike above his head. He says not every boy grows up to be a hero. The baby cries some more as Kara appears and tries to grab at the spike. Brainiac backhands her in the face and she flies about 20 feet. There's lots of flashing of lights and crashing. Kara's lip is bloodied. Slowly, Brainiac says, "Kal-El will die on Krypton! And now you will share his fate." Any moment now... just give me some time. This operating system status bar needs to move all the way to 100 percent before Brainiac can carry it out. "I won't let that happen," Clark says, suddenly showing up behind Kara. Clark steps forward. What does he say? Prepare yourselves: "You're gonna release Lana." WHAT!? DUDE! How about saving the baby version of yourself first? How about saving humanity? Lana is not important right now! Damn, idiot! Brainiac seems as stupefied as me. "Did he really just ask me to release Lana when I'm about to participate in the destruction of Krypton and the Earth?" She must have the greatest vagina in all the galaxies combined. Brainiac suddenly wishes he had found a way to hit that. Brainiac says that Kal-El can't stop him. "Clark! The baby!" Kara reminds him. She's kneeling on the ground. Wanna help out here, cousin? No? Brainiac chokes Clark and lifts him up by the neck. Brainiac says there's no yellow sun here to charge Clark. And no Radio Shack to buy a new recharger! He throws Clark across the floor. Clark rises from the fog. Brainiac turns his index finger into a point. "You're not in Kansas anymore," he tells Clark. Suddenly, the black spike appears again -- this time it's being jammed through Brainiac's chest from behind. He screams. There's an electric flash in the wound. He falls. Kara is standing behind him. Kara tells Clark to get the baby on the ship before it's too late. She tells Clark she'll handle Brainiac. She kicks Brainiac in the face. Shut down! Ctrl-Alt-Delete, dammit! Clark goes to the little crying baby. He picks up Baby Himself gently. He carries the baby slowly over to the ship. There is a long moment as Clark stares at his own baby face. It's about as poignant as this show gets. I gotta admit, I got a little choked up here. Shut up! Don't look at me! Clark regards the baby Kal-El, who looks at him calmly. Clark smiles slightly. It's very sweet. Kara somehow lifts a giant rock (I thought she had no superpowers here) and holds it over Brainiac. He laughs at her, his teeth all black and rotten. Kara grunts and drops the boulder on him. Clark, still hesitant, deposits the baby in the ship. The baby starts crying again. Clark pushes down the yellow blanket and stands back. The ship closes in around the child. Clark can't stop watching. Kara comes back and tells Clark they have to go. He asks where Brainiac went. "He's gone! He's destroyed!" she says. Clark looks at the ship as it takes off. There's a series of explosions. Walls are coming down. Clark doesn't want to leave. Kara urges him to come through the portal. We zoom out... waaaay out. A ship flies as the red sun explodes, taking out Krypton with it. I thought Krypton exploded on its own. We see the ship fly toward us and then past. Blue and red particles sail everywhere.

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Smallville

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