Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
It's a Wonderful Life (But Not Such a Wonderful Show)

Just then, Lois is walking by and runs right into Clark's chest as he turns. She somehow lands in his arms, dipped. "Whoa!" she says. Clark frowns. "Clumsy but... cute," she says, smiling. Clark looks really perturbed. He puts her back on her feet as Jimmy rises from his seat, alarmed. Jimmy asks if Lois is ready for an ace photographer to shoot tomorrow's "Column One." Sure, is there one around? Lois tells him to put his camera back in his pants (why?!) and to make a delivery for her, ASAP. She hands Jimmy an envelope. Lois offers her hand and introduces herself to Clark. He shakes it and tells her his name. She asks if Clark always bowls women over the first time he meets them. No, but he does seem to have that effect on desperate billionaires. Clark frowns again. This chick is totally confounding him. Jimmy tells Lois not to be so hard on him: he says Clark's old girlfriend is doing the Last Tango in Paris with some French philanthropist. She's having anal sex with butter? Because, seriously, that's what people think you mean when you throw that movie reference around. Lois says Clark doesn't have to act brave. "I know all about unrequited love," she assures him. She says she's had more heroes exit stage left than a Greek tragedy. Clark and Jimmy exchange a look. Lois says that talking about it helps. Talking about it endlessly and nonsensically, on the other hand, just annoys. She says she'll be at O'Malley's after work and offers to buy Clark a cold one. Brewskis! Sweet!

Just then, several men in suits walk in asking for "Lois Lane." "That's what it says on my Pulitzer," she tells them. This must be a different Lois than the one we're come to know. Kara suddenly walks up from behind the men, wearing a dark business suit and white shirt, provocatively unbuttoned. Her blonde hair is pulled back and her eye makeup is egregious. She says that Lois is in possession of something belonging to the U.S. government. Well it's a good thing they're in a newsroom, where everyone will overhear this bit of breaking news. One of the guards grabs Lois and handcuffs her. They lead her away. Nobody bothers to take a photo, not even Jimmy. Boooo! Clark tries to intervene, but Kara tells him to back off. According to the Closed Captioning, there was a whole string of dialogue from Lois that was supposed to go here as she was dragged off, but luckily, it was all cut in editing. Nice one, show. Clark looks back to Jimmy, who is shaking his head. Clark sees Lois taken into an elevator. Jimmy says that if the head of DDS is here, it must be serious. He explains for Clark, who has surely heard the term before in his non-alternate-reality life: "Department of Domestic Security." Jimmy says that was Linda Danvers, the head of that department, who was appointed last month. "Who appointed her?" Clark asks. Jimmy pulls out a newspaper and shoves it at us. It was the president. That president is Lex Luthor. There's a photo on the front page of Lex, wearing a white suit and sporting a black glove on his right hand. The headline reads, "PRESIDENT LUTHOR UPS MILITARY BUDGET." I can't make out the date on the newspaper, but I've built it up in my brain that this is in the future, which would explain how young Lex could be president, since he's not 35 in the normal timeline. Clark is stunned by the newspaper. As am I. That's too heavy a headline font for such non-news.

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