Smallville
Aqua

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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
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Chick-Magnet Of The Sea

Kent home. Lois draws a glass of water for her new buddy Aquadude. He drinks it in one gulp. Lois suggests that they go to the hospital. "No, I'm cool," he says. I like all this resisting of medical treatment lately. It makes things easier on me. Lois suggests that blood coming out of your ears isn't normal. He says it's probably an ear infection, and asks if they can drop it. Whatever you say, bleedy. Lois feels his forehead for a fever. He tells Lois that she doesn't listen. "I find it distracting," she says. He takes her hand and puts it on his chest while doing a simultaneous squint/leer. Lois tells him he feels cold. That's weird, he says, because he's so so hot. Mmm, girl, mmmmm yeah, girl. Lois asks if that line ever works on anyone. Just did, girl. Mmm mmm. He says that Lois is worth the risk. Damn, girl. He just wants to ow! Yow, mmm mmm mmm. Yeah. Aquaman is here to get you wet, girl. Lois says that he doesn't even know her. If he did? He'd be running. Or swimming away. Fast. He tells her she's abrasive, sarcastic, and never shuts up. "Yeah, and those are my good qualities," she replies. I'd like to point out that just because you're aware that you're an asshole doesn't make you any less of one. In fact, it's worse, because that means you do it on purpose. Aquadude puts his hand around her head and shoves her face toward his to plant one on her. Awwww, girl. Do you feel the fishy power? Mmm mmm. Come stroke the fin, girl. Lois tells Aquadude sternly that just because he saved her doesn't give him the right to slobber all over her. Then she kisses him right back, of course. Mmm mmm, girl, dip me in butter and lemon juice. Oh yeah. You make a mean scampi, girl, mmm yeah. Lois and Aquadude's chests are both so big that they have to lean forward, and almost tip over like those drinking-bird toys when they kiss. Oops. Clark Kent walks in through the front door. "Lois!" he says. "Hey, Smallville," she says. Clark looks stricken. Damn, Clark. You just turned his swordfish into shrimp.

Kent Farm, the next day. Clark is upstairs in the barn loft, whining to Chloe about catching Lois and Aquadude kissing. He's upset because they don't know much about Aquadude. So annoying. Chloe says that they can look up some information about the guy. Less than a second later, Chloe is rattling off some stats. He's a sophomore at the University of Miami, studying marine biology. She says he's also on the swim team. Clark gets fast internet service up in that barn. Clark, not wearing plaid for once, asks whether Aquadude has a criminal record. Chloe manages to find that just as quickly. She says he broke into an ocean resort. "What did he steal?" Clark asks. Chloe says he set eight dolphins free from an underwater fence. Chloe doesn't think the guy is so bad. According to her info, he's never "dipped a fin" in town until now. She guesses he's not a meteor freak. They're still calling them "freaks"? Clark says he's not the first person who didn't get his abilities from the meteor rocks. "Really?" Chloe asks. Clark tells Chloe that he met a kid last year who ran too fast for his own good. That kid? Flash. Chloe asks if Clark's not just upset that someone stole his "hero thunder." Clark thinks he's Han Solo or something. He's got a bad feeling about this.

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