Talon. Aquadude is downing a big glass of water while Lana watches him. Lois pours more out of a pitcher and tells Lana -- and Clark, who's hovering nearby -- that she's never seen someone swim so fast or drink so much water. "It keeps my skin soft," Aquadude gushes to Lana. Oh, man, I figured it out. He's a butch overcompensator! Oh yes. It all makes sense now. I see what's up. Carry on, Smallville. Clark, trying to be all Columbo (but more "Dumbo") asks, "So, how do you like the University of Miami?" Lois asks if Aquadude goes to Miami. "Yeah, uh, how do you know that?" he asks Clark. Clark says he's a big fan of college swimming. Lana is like, "Really? Since when?," but all innocent-like. Clark ignores her and asks how Aquadude learned to swim so fast. He went to school. A school of fish! Ah ha ha ha! I kill me. Aquadude says it runs in the family. He says his dad runs a lighthouse down south, but swims like a lead weight. He guesses his mom had the skills. She died when he was a baby. If you'd like to know more about the comic book Aquaman, this site's not bad (thought a tad out of date). Sounds like he had a seriously fucked-up life. Aquadude says that part sucked, but that growing up by the water was like totally awesome! Clark asks what brought Aquadude to the most landlocked spot on the map. "Crater Lake," he says. Aquadude tells the group that lots of fish have been dying off in the lake. The EPA, he says, claims it's due to temperature change: "But I think that's totally bogus." Gnarly. Clark says that's a long way to go to investigate a temperature change. Lois frowns. "Not if you care about the world you live in," Aquadude responds. Geez, Clark, get the stick out of your ass. Unless, you know, you like it. Aquadude says that what happens in the water affects us all. Like, say, the price of the all-you-can-eat deal at Joe's Crab Shack. "Do you really believe that or is that a pick-up line for the girl?" Clark asks, rudely. Lana finally snaps, "Clark!"
Lois tells Clark she needs to talk to him privately about a cinnamon bun. Mmm, Cinnabon. Lois asks Clark what he's doing, saying she already has an overprotective dad (IRONSIDE!) and doesn't need a brother. Clark asks if he's the only who thinks there's something "fishy" about this guy. Keep throwing on the seaward dialogue, Smallville. I can take it. Just don't be surprised if I use my own c-word. Lois tells Clark to quit being a jerk. Lois apologizes to Aquadude for Clark's behavior. He tells her he's "gotta bounce." Lois asks if he needs company. Sure, just leave your job in the middle of a shift. Aquadude says he needs to take care of some stuff on his own, and that he'll swing by later. Wait, that's Tarzan's line. Clark tells Lana and Lois that he was being a jerk, and goes to apologize. Lois tells Lana she doesn't know how she puts up with Clark. Awkward silence.