Smallville
Aqua

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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
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Chick-Magnet Of The Sea
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Big shout-out this week to water, without which this episode (and recap) would never have been possible. Water, you never complain, you cover the majority of the Earth, and you don't even care when people add lemon flavor to you, stick it in a bottle, and call it nutritious. Water? You rock. In fact, you shape rock.

The episode begins with a sign that reads "Crater Lake" and some rockin' rock music playing. We pan across summer-dressed teens throwing footballs and lugging ice chests. Is there anything more American than a Styrofoam ice chest? We see Chloe's convertible and Clark's red pick-up truck parked. Barbecuers are roasting up the goods while others are just kicking it on blankets by the water. Lovely Kansas mountains, those. Someone on the lake is jet-skiing. Dudes, this was shot in Vancouver. Wanna guess how cold that water was? ["Actually, Vancouver never gets terribly cold -- and wouldn't be very cold at the end of August or beginning of September, when they probably shot this. Having said that: there really aren't mountains in Kansas, at all." -- Wing Chun] On a blanket near the not-very-secure-looking pier, Clark is rubbing suncreen on Lana's back. She's wearing a slung-over one-piece black bathing suit that your grandma wore when she went to Coney Island as a teen. The boys got fresh with her and there's more to tell, but your grandma swore me to secrecy. Lana tells Clark that he missed a spot. "Where?" Clark asks. Lana points to her lips. Mustn't let her lips get sunburned. She might never emote again. Clark, shirtless, leans over and kisses her.

Just then, Chloe and Lois walk up. "Well, I know what you did this summer," Lois jokes. Chloe is wearing some sort of sundress that covers up her goodies, while Lois is just hanging out there with her giant fake tits bumping poor extras out of the way and her low-slung bikini bottom making, as my friend Adrian Villegas says, "a gynecological exam redundant." Clark and Lois stand up to greet them. Lois tells Clark not to look so guilty; she says it's about time the lovebirds spread their wings. I don't even want to speculate on the euphemistical implications. "What are you doing back?" Clark asks Lois. I'm with him on this one. Chloe grins at the chit-chat. Lana says she thought Lois was still in Europe. Honestly? I think the producers didn't think Chloe could fill out a bathing suit as well, or she would have been the focus of this episode's storyline. Is it valid? No. But come on. It's not like Chloe's dating anyone and couldn't have had an opposites-attract thing with Aquadude. Clark says he was hoping Lois wouldn't be back for the rest of the year. She gives him an amused dirty look. Am I the only one who thinks they've completely ruined Lois as a character on this show? They brought her in too early and too often and now we're just stuck with her. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Lois is the new Lana. And that's a crap place to be, Durance.

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