MONDO EXTRAS

"Naughty-a!" Ving calls out into the sea. The sea serpent, who was doing a pretty good job navigating, thanks very much, turns with her creepy teeth and goes, "Heeeeeeeeeesh!" Wow, her name just made me think of a Timbaland and Magoo song. Fishy homegirl leaps from the water like CGI Spider-Man, does a backflip and, with the beam of light from the sea in the background, loses her seatail and gains human ones before landing on the deck of the ship. Now that's committing to a jump. The camera pans up the sea wench's body and her skin magically morphs from dead purple to bodacious fleshtones and fishnet. She's pissed! To prove it, she opens the cabin door dramatically and stands in the doorway as the camera tilts at a forty-five-degree angle to accentuate the ship (which, if it were Arrested Development, would be called "The C-Word."). Ving is right there with the crossbow and fires. Sea Serpent Siren grabs the arrow in midair right before it was to hit her in the forehead. "Your aim's gotten better," she snarks. She pulls the arrow -- which somehow pulls Ving with it -- dumps him on the floor and chunks the arrow right into his leg. "OHHH!" goes Ving. "Where's Orrin?" she screams. "Rot in Hell, you scaly bitch!" Ving yells. Love, love, LOVE! Siren pulls out the fork-shaped arrow and stabs Ving again. She asks where Orrin went again. Call her a scaly bitch one more time, Ving! Do it!

On the back of the ship, a something hilarious happens. Aquaman dives straight up from the water, his arms up, and hops onto the boat while the lightning flashes and the waves crash behind him in slow motion. It's totally a Michael Jordan moment, but much sillier. "I'm right here!" he yells, shirtless. Siren goes for him and they get into a fistfight. Remember, she's a scaly bitch. It's all right that he punches her in the flat abs. She gets knocked through a door and lands flat on the deck. Why isn't she turning back into her monster form? I guess this is kinda hotter. She bares her pointy teeth and roundhouse kicks Aquaman. Maybe she's a dope fiend. Everybody knows fish are crazy for cocaine. He falls and the siren mounts him, showing her bad teeth and extra eye makeup. "Your mother can't protect you this time!" she says. "What did you do to her?" A.C. asks. She says he'll find out.